NinjaBear Studios

Lyrics & Music

Original songs about faith, family, loss, and finding a way forward. Explore four completed albums, follow Birth of Tragedy and an unnamed Fae opera as they develop, and listen to the songs shared on YouTube.

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Completed Albums

Four albums of original songs. Explore the artwork and read the lyrics below; available recordings are linked to YouTube.

Finally Free album cover
Completed album

Finally Free

13 songs · Album track order

  1. You Stayed the Same Read lyrics
    Through the Years I learned to Count Empty Chairs among the crowd faces faded with each season like the shadows of the clouds Spring turned to summer, gold to gray Familiar faces slipped away I slowly came to treat every goodbye As something tied to another lie You never swore that you would stay you simply did day after day When you spoke, there was no doubt only hope came from your mouth You said my name without restraint Like it wasn't stained by my mistakes you saw more than what I was Though I thought you blind I wore my shame so naturally it fit like skin surrounding me You looked at me so differently Couldnt comprehend what you could see Every time you held your ground I waited for you to back down I kept expecting you to leave because that's all I knew to be You said my name like it was strong Like I belonged here all along I never said it aloud But I survived to make you Proud Storms came through then drifted off our lives changes, new years dawned Dreams grew large and my fears grew too Still somehow there always was you Never louder than the room Never trying hard to prove You never needed Perfect words You were strong enough to be heard When my whole world seemed to rearrange Somehow you stayed the same You never dragged me toward the light Or argued my darkness that night You let silence do its part Trusted time with my heart When I disappeared for weeks Somewhere far out of reach You never made my absence shame you stayed the same, you stayed the same Though valleys stretched beyond my sight you never doubted I'd see the light No matter what the wind had blown Or places I've wandered lone you held a faith I couldn't see The kind of hope that carried me You saw me through the eyes of Christ When I had given up the fight I thought your hope belonged to you Something I could never Prove Now I wonder if instead You simply saw the road ahead Looking back it's strange to see You never came to rescue me Or to fight wars in my stead Just stood your ground when my hope was dead you simply stood through every season Never asking for a reason Long enough for me to find The strength you always said was mine I won't pretend I walked alone Because of you I stand on my Own You gave me room to find my pace and never asked me to be replaced I am the man you saw in me Now standing here Finally Free Finally Free
    Listen on YouTube: You Stayed the Same
  2. Where the Night has Led Read lyrics
    We learned the house by passing hours Between the cracks of borrowed power The walls remembered every shout, We learned which doors we could slip out. If there was peace, it lived past ten, When everyone had slept again. The night we kept was never tame, two brothers laughing all the same. I watched the seasons change your face, Saw quiet settle in your place. You chased horizons I couldn't find; I stayed behind, but was on your side. No matter where the night has led, Or how the dark surrounds your steps, You don't have to bear that weight alone. If you call, I'll bring you home. I saw you drift where shadows grew Chasing highs I never knew The weight they leave when daylight fades Or what remains after peace falls to raids You carried more than I could take, Learned to bend so you wouldn't break. I watched you learn the world’s demand Then give more than you could stand I've seen the silence in your eyes, The words that never truly died. You don’t have to set it straight I know how long you’ve carried hate. No matter where the night has led, Or if the road runs cold instead, If you can't see beyond your feet, I'll walk every mile till we meet. I don't need yesterday returned, Or every bridge rebuilt that burned. I still see the boy you were And the man you’re becoming; not a blur The years can leave their weathered stain, But they don't measure what remains. You're more than all the hurt you've known; You'll never have to face it alone. I won’t pretend I know the way Or fix what’s broken in a day But every step you choose to take Is ground I’ll stand on for your sake But if your strength begins to bend, Or hope feels thinner at the end, Then take one step; and I'll take two. If your path breaks, I'll follow through. No matter where your footsteps fall, Or if you stumble after all, However long you need, I'll stay; I'll stay beside you, every day.
    Listen on YouTube: Where the Night has Led
  3. At Every Gate Read lyrics
    They told me love would find its way If I just learned to wait and stay Every closed door meant somehow I missed the mark, I missed the vow I learned to carry quiet doubt read the signs, they left me out They said you'll know it when it's right So I kept reaching through the night Every hand I held too tight Let go without a single fight mistook borrowed heat For something real that cut too deep Kept mistaking want for need Learned I shouldn't plead If this is how it's meant to feel Why does it never feel real? You wore my hope like it was light Something to use, not something right You took my yes, ignored my no Then said that's just the way love goes I stayed too long to prove I could Make something work when nothing would You left me holding what we were and walked away without a word I learned the cost of staying still Calling control a test of will If this is love the way they say Why do I lose myself this way? I was a place you passed through warm A Steady place to ride the storm You took what helped you feel okay Then called it time and walked away I won't keep shrinking just to stay Or bend myself the way you say If love requires less of me Then our love was never meant to be They say the right one shows up late But I was there at every gate I won't keep waiting to be seen I know exactly what I mean I won't mistake this calm for loss I'll just stand here and hold my cross I've learned that being left behind Doesn't make the failing mine I don't need love to prove I'm whole I finally stand inside my soul
  4. Something You'll Never See Read lyrics
    I learned the shape of empty rooms And how the quiet never blooms I waited by the open door For steps I’d only heard before The seasons shifted as I stayed While light met dark in quiet shade Some stories end before they start Some shadows never learn their part When the night pressed in too close And every thought became a ghost I carried absence like a name Too young to know I’m not to blame I chased reflections down the glass To find the truth of what would pass The mirror held a stranger’s face Detached from any rightful place I learned to speak without a claim To bear the weight without a name You burned the bridge before I crossed And left me guessing what was lost When the night pressed in with spite And every echo begged for fight I wore the cold you left behind And built a wall inside my mind I spent those years without a claim Thinking my flaws were mine to tame If Loving me Required More Too easy to just leave before I learned that I was built to lose Too small a thing for you to choose I wore that truth without a sound And shrank until I wasn’t found If I was never worth the stay Then leaving was your only way I made that truth a part of me And carried it so quietly But later, when the noise withdrew And life made space for something true I found a quiet in the air That didn’t answer, but was there It never argued with my pain Or tried to give my wounds a name It simply stayed through every doubt A steady ground I learned about The years moved on, and so did I No longer asking reasons why The man I am is truly free You played no part in who I'd be Your absence holds no claim on me I grew into something you’ll never see
  5. Finally Loved Read lyrics
    I learned to wait without a sound While your world kept spinning round You built your home where love felt new And left me learning what to do You searched for worth in someone’s eyes Kept falling for all of their lies I don’t believe you meant the cost but somewhere in there we both got lost You were around, but not aware Of what was breaking in your care I learned to carry what I could And keep it quiet like I should I watched the walls grow thin at night Learned how to read a room by sight You stayed so tired, kept it moving Missed the cost of what was brewing I learned the weight of silent stress And how to step around the mess Not every bruise is meant to show Some teach you things you shouldn’t know You carried more than you could show Doing your best just to keep us whole You gave your strength to keep us fed But missed the signs inside our head I needed safety, not a fight A softer place to land at night I don’t deny the cost it made But I survived the price I paid I see you standing calmer now In something real, not just a vow He treats you kind, he shows up right And I can breathe a little light I don’t rewrite the years before Or close the wounds they left in store But I can smile at where you are now And not need more than what that allows I see you lighter than before Not bracing for another war I’m glad you found a place to stay Where love doesn’t ask you to look away We cant go back to what we were before I hope you're happy forevermore You found your calm, and thats enough Im glad youre finally loved.
  6. Unfinished Melody Read lyrics
    You don't get to take the good ones first... Then tell us not to curse. Call it fate if that's what you want only makes it hurt that much worse. You don't get to still my hands... or silence our demands. Some songs aren't meant to fade. Some are torn before they're played. The clock still moves ahead... Like nothing's changed, like no one's bled. The world keeps moving, blind and loud... I stand motionless in the crowd. I cursed the days that dared go on As if your leaving broke the dawn The world keeps dancing to its song... While I'm alone denying that you're gone. I hated hearing, "Time will heal." As if they knew That death would steal. I shouted your name into the gray... Every breath a plea to stay. Half convinced if Heaven heard... It might let me have one more word. But every echo came back as mine. No matter how I begged for more time. Silence has a way... Of showing that the emptiness is here to stay. You wouldn't want me drowned in grief... Or to see me abandon my belief. You always dreamed to see me grow... So I'll live the life you'll never know. I'm still angry. I won't lie. Some wounds don't fade... Forever Cry. I hated those who still had time... As if joy was stealing what was mine. But you would never ask that cost... Or want me bitter from your loss. You showed me how to live... love is all you had to give. So I'll let your memory shape my days... Not as a wound, but as a way. If Heaven needed you more than me... I won't call it betrayal... Just grief. I'll carry love, though not complete... And sing it soft, this unfinished melody. (Instrumental. Wordless scream.)
  7. An Empty Stool Read lyrics
    The place still smells like yesterday Wood and glass, the usual gray Same low lights, same crooked sign Same empty seat right next to mine I order two without a thought Habit’s faster than what I forgot The bartender don’t ask me why Just sets it down and lets it lie I talk to you like you’re still late Like traffic caught you at the gate I say the things we always said About nothing much, about what's ahead I tell you work’s the same old fight Small wins, longer nights I laugh where you would shake your head And pause where you’d have said instead The stool still creaks like it remembers Boots on tile, late Decembers Stories worn down smooth with time Like scars you never drew a line You carried weight you didn’t name Shouldered it quiet, played the game You stood your watch, you held your ground Then disappeared without a sound I won’t pretend I know the why Or trace the moment you passed by I won’t dress it up or make it clean I leave it sitting in between I sit a while, then raise my glass Just let this moment pass at last No speeches, no more words Just me and you, an empty stool I hope you enjoyed your beer Just wish you had held life dear
  8. My Breath Read lyrics
    I sat where nothing asked of me No role to play, no need to be The moment held me soft and slow Like time had nowhere else to go I felt the noise begin to fade Like distant storms that never stayed The world kept moving past my view But I stayed still and let it through I noticed air move in my chest A gentle rise, a gentle rest No one calling me away Just here enough to let it stay I breathe it in, I breathe it out Let go of fear, let go of doubt No need to hurry, nor to chase I’m safe enough inside this space I let the minutes drift on by No need to ask the reasons why Each moment came, then let me be And passed along peacefully I didn’t need to fix a thing Or name the peace this moment brings I stayed where nothing had to prove And let the silence gently move I breathe it in, I breathe it out Let go of fear, let go of doubt No need to hurry, nor to chase I’m safe enough inside this space I stayed until the moment passed No future pulled me from the past Just here, where time is soft and slow Enough to rest, enough to know I let the moment come and rest I learn to live inside my breath
  9. When Days Felt New Read lyrics
    I stepped beyond the lines I’d drawn And felt the pull of a new dawn The air was thin with different sound Like something lost had just been found I watched the rhythm shape the day In ways I’d never learned to say Every gesture, every sign Felt deliberate, calm, aligned I followed paths I couldn’t name Let motion be the only aim Each crossing asked me who I’d be If I stopped chasing certainty I learned the language of the street In passing glances, bowed retreats The city breathed a patient pace Like time had found a softer place I was searching for escape Just room enough to change my shape Somewhere between the steps I took I felt my life begin to look Like something more than just a plan Like something built by where I stand Each open road began to show A life I’m finally meant to know I didn’t leave to lose my name Or outrun guilt or dodge the blame I wasn’t chasing something new Just space to see what still rang true Each step unfastened what was tight Each breath returned a sense of light I wasn’t lost, I was in view Of who I’d be when days felt new I see the world with open eyes No need to rush, no need to rise Every horizon draws me near To something bright and something clear I learned to walk without a map To trust the space between each gap Every step became a choice To move ahead and find my voice I let the moment speak its name And felt the awe I couldn’t claim The beauty of what you create Was shown to me by my own fate
  10. Only Sound Read lyrics
    I wake where every thought stands armed A thousand signals sound alarms I sort the static from the sound And mark the places I can’t ground Some days the air feels counterfeit Like truth keeps slipping bit by bit I take one breath, I hold the line Remind myself this voice is mine This is the war I never chose Where every thought writhes and sows Some lead me out, some pull me low Some fleeting, crying like a crow I’m not the noise inside my head Not the words they wish I said I stand right here, I take my ground I hear the fight, I am the sound They speak in tones I almost trust Hiding blades covered in rust They circle close, they strafe my faith And swear they’re here to keep me safe They borrow truth, then bend its frame And swear it’s love when it’s just blame They know the shape of all my fears They wear my past like souvenirs This is the war I never chose Where every thought still twists and grows Some call me lost, some call me whole Some shake the faith I try to hold I’m not the noise inside my head Not every fear they’ve dressed and fed I stand right here, I take my ground I hear the fight, but I am sound Some days they tell me I’m a fraud That every step I took was flawed They count my scars like borrowed debt And call it proof I should regret Other days they crown my spine Say I’m chosen, say I’m fine That’s when I learn to disengage Too much light hides this cage I’ve learned the cost of constant stress Of mistaking volume for a threat A steady pulse, an anchored heart I hold the line, I don’t depart I don’t erase what I’ve been through I just decide what’s speaking true If I am standing, there’s no fear I am more than what’s in here This is the war I never chose Where every thought still comes and goes Some pass me by, some pull me near Some fade like echoes, disappear I’m not the noise inside my head Not the lies that beg to be fed I stand right here, I take my ground I see the fight, but it’s only sound
  11. Sacred Flame Read lyrics
    I’ve been counting every prayer Wondering if You’re even there I speak into the sky But never hear Your reply I keep my faith between my hands Still hoping You might understand If silence is the path You choose Why does it always feel like I lose If You’re there, then say my name I’m tired of calling into flame I stand on words I still hold true But faith won’t ever answer You I said I’d change the way I live If You would show me what to give I cut myself down to the bone Just to prove I was alone I tried to earn what should be free Turned every prayer to currency If faith is built on what I trade Why do I still come up unpaid If You’re there, then say my name I kept my vows, I bore the blame I followed every sign You drew So why am I still chasing You You watched me fall and never moved Left me bloody and bruised If this was love You meant to show Why does it hurt more then I know I tore the altar from my chest Let silence answer all the rest I stopped pretending You were near And named the thing I felt as fear I didn’t need You to explain Or wash the blood out of the pain I just needed You to stay When I had nothing left to say I didn’t curse You, didn’t pray Just let the days keep passing gray I set belief down on the floor And stopped expecting anymore I let the symbols lose their names And watched the days slip out of frames I carried weight without a why Just staring holes into the sky I started listening for more Not signs or fire like before Just watching where the cracks appeared And was still standing when it cleared I found You in the quiet ground Not in the signs I chased around You weren’t the voice I tried to hear You were the breath that kept me near I learned You can’t be bought or weighed Or earned by vows I never made You met me empty, unprepared And stayed before I even dared You were there, You knew my name You held the spark of the sacred flame I stand on ground I know to be And faith is here with me I won’t pretend I understand Or trace Your steps across the land I only know I’m not alone Even when the road is stone I don’t demand the skies to part I carry You within my heart I lost the answers I once chased But kept the faith that took their place
  12. Proof for Me Read lyrics
    You learned the world before your name I held the quiet, learned the same You reached for sounds you couldn’t see And one of them came out as me I was too young to know the way But I showed up night after day If all you keep is just that sound Know it was real while I was around I didn’t choose the shape of loss Some roads divide without a cross I learned that love can still be true Even when it can’t stay with you Walk the line that lets you sleep Keep your word, even when it’s deep Choose the kind that doesn’t scar And be proud of who you are You’re finding edges, testing ground Learning which voices make which sounds Some doors look bright but close too fast Some moments ask for more than last Take time to know the weight of choice And trust the calm inside your voice Not every crowd is worth the cost Not every win is worth the loss I won’t pretend I know your days Or see the paths your footsteps trace But every good you choose to be Is more than enough proof for me If you fall short, don’t lose your way Stand back up and face the day You’re more than moments you regret There’s good ahead you haven’t met I don’t need credit for your name Or proof you ever felt the same Just know that somewhere, standing still I held you then, and always will Walk the line that lets you sleep Keep your word, even when it’s deep Choose the kind that makes you whole And guard the good inside your soul I won’t ask you to look back Or carry weight you never lacked Just live the life that feels like true And know I’m proud of you
  13. Echoes Read lyrics
    I wake up where the silence breathes Every thought inside me seethes I’ve learned the shape of all these walls I know the echo when it calls I made a truce with all the noise Stopped asking for a different choice This is where my story ends I’ve learned some things never mend I stopped fighting what I hear Just to make it through the fear If this is all I’m meant to be I’ll learn to live where I can’t see This is the sound of breaking slow Talking to ghosts I used to know I keep my wounds out of sight Still breathing through another night I’ve walked these halls a thousand times Memorized the warning signs Every promise left a scar Drew a line from afar They say “trust” like it’s some door Like I haven’t bled there before So I stand completely on guard Just to keep from falling hard You can’t see the war I face Just to stand here in this place Every breath taken is not for free But I’m still here, I will be me This is the sound of holding on When every reason says you’re wrong Might be mistaken, but faith isn’t gone I’ve been fighting all along I was told I’d never change That I’d always stay this strange You won’t see the burden that I bear You just turn away -- you're never there I walked through hell and didn’t fall I wouldn’t fade, but lost it all You stood so close, but still alone I made it out on my own This is the sound of breaking free This is the price of forsaking me You watched me be buried alive But I’m still here, I will survive I still hear echoes in the air But they don’t hold me in their snare I’m not the dark I had to fight I found my breath, I will take flight This is the sound of being me After all, I’m finally free
My Crown album cover
Completed album

My Crown

11 songs · Album track order

  1. Never Again Read lyrics
    I know the shape of who I was The easy lie, the quiet shrug The borrowed rooms, the open hands The half-made vows, the shifting plans I wore excuses like a coat Called drifting just a different note Said “someday” like it meant today And let my better self decay No one forced that life on me I chose the smaller version, free Free from risk, from failing loud Free from standing firm and proud That comfort nearly made a grave A softer cage I almost stayed No locks, no bars, just slow decline A life that asked for nothing of mine I built this spine the harder way Through every doubt I didn’t obey Through doors that closed and nights that burned Through lessons paid and ground I earned I proved the voices wrong with time Rewrote the script, redrew the line I know the man I fought to be And what it cost to set me free And now the sky is wide and clear And that’s what brings the quiet fear It’s not the fall or failing loud It’s fading back into the crowd The echoes linger, faint and thin Not pulling like they once had been They whisper soft, “Just take a rest. You’ve proved enough. You did your best. I know those voices. I know their tone. They offer peace, but it’s a loan. They ask for inches, not the fall. But one step back could cost it all Never again. Not one retreat. Not one excuse I won’t defeat. Not one old comfort dressed as fate. Not one unlocked, familiar gate. I am not who I was before. I won’t live small behind that door. If fear is what keeps watch at night, Then fear can stand be hide the light. I didn’t fight to stand this tall To trade it back for something small. If I am tired, I’ll rest, not run. I may be scared, but I'm not done Never again, Not quietly. Not slowly back to who I’d be. I know what it cost to rise. I guard it now with open eyes.
  2. Coming Blow Read lyrics
    Stone set high and windows sealed No open gate, no ground revealed The watchfires burn against the night I brace for wars I’ll never fight The crown is new, the walls are thin I know what waits if they get within I’ve seen what cracks can cost a throne I won’t let ruin claim my own I stand guard at every wall. No crack too small, to risk it all. No open gate, no lowered spear. No quiet voice gets welcomed here. No banners rise. No horns are blown No siege is laid against my stone The fields lie quiet, wide and bright Yet I stay braced for distant might A voice outside the outer gate No blade in hand. No sign of hate No army formed. No battle cry Just someone asking, “Can I try?” I stand guard at every wall. No crack too small, to risk it all. But if you speak beyond the stone, I won’t pretend I’m here alone. The stones still hold. The crown is mine No breach runs deep beneath the line The gate stays watched, strong at night. No need to brace for every fight. The cracks I feared were mostly air Old echoes speaking of despair Not every sound’s a warning sign Not every shadow crosses mine I stand guard, the crown is mine. The walls still hold. The gates align. Not every knock’s a battle cry. Some come to stay. And so will I. The echoes fade. The watch grows still. No shadow moves against my will. I keep my post, but now I know Not every wind’s a coming blow.
  3. Nothing at All Read lyrics
    I watch the ceiling hold its shape Like it’s bracing for a quake Every thought comes dressed as sense Every answer feels like defense I scroll through fires I didn’t light Everyone’s wrong, everyone’s right Every truth reduced to a side Every breath tastes a little like pride I’ve got words, but none that heal None that won’t sharpen what I feel If honesty just makes it crawl I’ll say nothing at all I learned young what silence costs What they take, and what is lost I did the work, I played it straight Still watched luck choose like it’s fate Some are born with open doors Some kick walls until they’re sore They call it merit, call it owed I just watch the distance grow I could speak, but it would burn Every bridge I haven’t earned If truth has teeth and wants to maul I’ll say nothing at all I don’t trust the shape of crowds Or the way they sound so proud Every vow comes with a knife Every fix demands my life I’ve seen belief turn into law Seen mercy labeled as a flaw Every side swears they’re the cure And calls conviction something pure I’ve got nothing nice to say About the road we’re on this way If silence is the safest call I’ll say nothing at all This isn’t fear It’s recognition This isn’t peace It’s supposition I don’t think shouting saves a thing Or that truth survives the ring Nor will adding to the sound Stop the structure falling down I won’t dress rot up as hope Or call the fall a learning slope If every word just feeds the fall I’ll just say nothing at all I see it clear I feel the fear I’ve said enough Nothing at all
  4. White Noise Read lyrics
    I wake before the sun can rise Already drowning in replies A thousand signals crowd my head Half alive and half misread I know the list of what to do It stares at me like something new The simplest step becomes a wall My body won’t respond at all The hours bleed without a sound I pace the same two feet of ground I want to move, I want to start But static locks me in the dark It’s not a lack of will or care It’s like the air is never there My mind runs laps at triple speed My hands won’t follow what I need There’s white noise crawling through my veins A thousand unfinished lanes Every thought demands the lead Every spark outpaces need I fake a calm, I fake control While chaos digs into my soul They say “just focus,” “just begin” Like I don’t fight this war within I watch the clock turn threat to shame Every minute fans the flame I call myself what I’m not worth Like all I am is endless dearth I hate the gap from want to done The war I lose before it’s begun I know the man I’m meant to be He feels miles ahead of me The noise says quit, you’re built to stall You’ll always crash before the call It counts the proof, it stacks the blame It knows my fear, it knows my name But here’s the truth beneath the sound I’m still here standing on this ground If I was weak, I’d never fight This hard to stand up every night This isn’t laziness or ease It’s running through electric seas It’s dragging weight no one can see And still refusing not to be I don’t need perfect, don’t need clean I just need one small in-between One breath, one task, one forward inch One choice that doesn’t make me flinch The static screams that I can’t move But I’ve got nothing left to prove I break it down to what is next One single word, one line of text I am not broken, not a lie Not every missed and almost try My brain is loud, my path is steep But I still wake, I still keep I won’t compare my pace to theirs Or measure worth by finished squares If all I win tonight is a start That still counts inside this heart The noise can rage, it can be loud It doesn’t get to wear my crown I am the will beneath the storm The steady pulse, the anchored form I may not sprint when others run But I still rise when day is done White noise can scream until it’s hoarse I choose one step, and change its course If all I do is fight to stand That doesn’t mean my fate is damned I’m not the static in my head I’m the voice that moves instead And even when it feels too late And shame is pounding at the gate I am still here, still in the fight And that is how I win tonight
  5. Restrained Read lyrics
    I read the email, felt it land Another door slammed shut and banned Same empty words, polite and clean Like failure’s something unforeseen I shut the screen, I shut my mouth I felt it rise without a sound A heat I’ve learned to keep below A thing I never let them know I’ve counted time in silent no’s In resumes no one chose I built a life they’ll never see And buried it in uncertainty I held my breath, I held my ground Until my footing wasn’t sound then something older took the wheel And didn’t care what I would feel There’s a monster in my chest That doesn’t want what’s best It doesn’t plan, it doesn’t pray It just wants everything to decay It tore the proof out of my hands Like it was never part of the plans Everything built and the miles I flew All felt like lies I once knew I watched it burn and felt it sting Like losing didn’t change a thing If none of it was meant to last Why keep the weight of what has passed It speaks in heat, it speaks in force It never asks, it sets its course To break the mirror, break the wall To make sure nothing stands at all It doesn’t care what I become It just wants silence, just wants done It wants the end without the cost No future, no more being lost There’s a monster in my chest That thinks destruction’s whats best It says if nothing’s left to lose Then nothing's left to be abused But rage is honest, not precise It never asks me for the price It burns the house to feel the heat Then wonders why there’s no retreat I let it scream, take its toll But can’t let it take control I hear it out, then draw the line It speaks in ways that don’t align There’s a monster in my chest I know its pull, I know its test But wanting ruin isn’t truth What’s waiting here I can’t yet soothe I didn’t win. I didn’t break. I forced it quiet, stayed awake. It’s not asleep, it’s just restrained. I stay alert and bear the blame.
  6. Dust Read lyrics
    I held your words like they were law The clearest truth I ever saw The nights felt bright beneath your laugh Like broken roads had found a path You stood above the doubts I knew The world felt smaller next to you I thought the dark we shared was light A refuge carved from endless night I called that bond the best I’d known A truth that couldn’t be overthrown I placed you high where none could fall The strongest voice above them all I thought the height was built from trust But marble cracks beneath its dust The jokes ran loud, the nights ran long We called the drifting “staying strong” You said the world would never bend So why pretend you weren't my friend I let those words become my frame A quiet shield against the game If nothing waits beyond this door Then striving wasn’t worth the war The comfort there felt safe enough A place that praised when I gave up I placed you high where none could fall The clearest sight above it all But cracks appeared beneath the rust And truth began to shift the dust The laughs grew sharp, the air turned thin A hidden weight beneath the grin A hand that struck when words went wrong A silence stretching far too long The hope we buried stayed that way While every dream was pushed to grey You called the world a losing fight And pulled me farther from the light I saw the cost of standing still A quiet cage dressed up as will I placed you high without a pause But height can’t hide your flaws The view I praised began to rust The pedestal was only dust The years moved on, the distance grew A clearer sky replaced that view I saw the path I’d never tried Because your shadows stood beside The words you spoke began to fade Like echoes drifting through the shade Not enemies, just voices lost Inside the weight of their own cost I felt the ground beneath my feet And chose a road you couldn’t meet I placed you high where none could fall But I won’t answer to that call The place you held I cannot trust The pedestal returned to dust I won’t erase the years we shared The nights we laughed, the weight we bared But time reveals what once was blind And frees the ground beneath the mind You taught me more than you could see By showing what I’d never be The life I want is built from trust Not shadows clinging to their dust I placed you high above it all But truth will answer every call The path ahead is built from trust And I will leave the dust to dust
  7. A Need to Be Read lyrics
    I thought this through before the call I almost didn’t dial at all There’s nothing here they’d classify But silence hasn’t helped me try (911, what’s your emergency?) I don’t know if this applies Nothing wrong you’d recognize No blood loss and nothing broke But something in me lost its hope I followed every marked escape Signed my name on every shape Degrees stacked neat beside the wall Proof I answered every call Three long years of dialing out Every silence turned to doubt I did my best to avoid regret but buried myself deep in debt No sirens needed where I stand Just empty space where life was planned No scene to tape, no crash to see Just absence where a life should be (Are you in danger?) Not from anything you’d trace Just slowly fading from this place No sudden act, no violent end Just a wound the effort couldn’t mend (Where are you?) Somewhere under all I’ve done Every race I thought I’d won Sitting on a mountain high Made of every failed reply (Are you alone?) Yeah I think that’s finally clear No one else is needed here I talk but nothing answers back My words just vanish into black I built a future piece by piece But progress never signed release Every step that should have led Just loops me back inside my head No injury the eye can trace Just something missing from its place No moment where it all went wrong Just nothing proving I belong (How can we help?) You can’t fix what isn’t broke You can’t give meaning to this joke You can’t return the time I gave Or tell me what these years all saved No form fits what I became No box can hold a silent name No emergency to send Just waiting for a point to end The monster doesn’t shout tonight It only shrugs and dims the light It says the math was always clear You tried, the answer isn’t here Not failure, not a tragic end Just effort that will never bend Toward anything that answers why A life keeps choosing not to die (I’m sorry… we can't send help for this.) You did your job, you followed through There’s nothing left for you to do No threat, no crime, no life to save Just someone trying not to cave The line goes dead, and so does the plea The choice is simple, just a need to be
  8. My Reason Why Read lyrics
    I play my role, I always run Send hope out like it weighs a ton I lace my will like worn-out shoes And walk the roads I didn’t choose I send my name into the void Where silence sharpens, unannoyed Each door is shut without a sound Like effort never hit the ground I’ve learned the cost of empty will Of staring down and standing still Hope wears thin, then breaks its thread But I keep moving straight ahead I don’t need proof to hold my ground I don’t need echoes to resound I don’t demand the sky reply I breathe, and that’s my reason why I’ve watched the fire dim to ash Felt effort get labeled trash They say to pivot, say to bend Like giving up is how you mend I’ve tasted anger, sharp and fast But what rage can build doesn’t last It burns the map to feel control Then leaves you stranded with the toll So I learned patience isn’t pause It’s not choosing action without cause It’s setting anchors in the storm And standing firm without a form I don’t need signs to justify The ground I claim, the line I try I don’t need fate to shake my hand I’m still here, that’s where I stand Some days I feel the weight cave in Like every try is wearing thin Then thoughts creep in my soul Like rest is found in letting go Quitting whispers dressed as peace It promises relief, sweet release I hear it speak, I see the frame It offers quiet, no one to blame I won’t confuse the end for rest Or trade my spine for something less If I fall, I'll fall moving ahead Not kneeling to words unsaid I don’t need victory in sight To take another step tonight I don’t need to see the end Just a faith that never bends It isn’t hoping things work out It's moving forward through the doubt trusting ground you can’t yet see And standing where you’re meant to be Been knocked down more times than I can count Watched certainty erode what I couldn’t surmount But something deeper took its place A will no silence can erase I don’t need doors to open wide To know I’m meant to be inside I don’t need answers carved in stone I keep moving forward, not alone If something better waits ahead It waits because I haven’t fled I don’t chase ease, I don’t pretend I walk this road until it bends I didn’t break. I didn’t quit. I carried faith when proof wasn’t lit The world stayed quiet, I stayed alive. I breathe. And that’s my reason why.
  9. Beneath the Ache Read lyrics
    I learned the comfort of being stall The quiet shrink, the smaller call No crashing wave, no sudden break Just slow erosion I’d mistake For safety dressed in softer skin A life that didn’t ask to win No risk to lose, no heights to take Just dull persistence I could fake I sign my name beneath the ache I endure the hurt that keeps me awake The days went by without a scar But nothing moved me very far A steady throb beneath my palm A hidden fracture in the calm I told myself that this was fine No bleeding edge, no steep incline But something in me had to shake From carrying weight I wouldn’t take I sign my name beneath the ache I bear the hurt that keeps me awake It wasn’t pain that broke my will It was the drift of standing still The cost of staying safe and small Was heavier than any fall I’ve tasted both, the loss, the strain Hollow comfort and honest pain One drains you slow and leaves you small One breaks you down to build you tall I sign my name beneath the ache I’m learning which pain’s mine to take There’s pain that shrinks you to your knees And pain that builds what you can be One steals your voice and dims your sight One burns but leaves you standing upright The needle, light, the sterile air The gym at dawn when no one’s there The silent screen that reads “not now” The vow to love and show up somehow Each one could shrink me where I stand Or make me stronger when I land The cost of growth is never fake It shapes the ground your steps will make I sign my name beneath the ache I take the hurt for growth’s own sake I used to run from anything That threatened comfort’s quiet ring But numbness has a deeper price It trades your edge for something nice And I have lived that smaller fate Watched safer roads evaporate If pain will come, then let it break The parts in me that need to wake I sign my name beneath the ache I choose the hurt that keeps me awake I won’t mistake relief for grace Or hide behind a slower pace If pain must come for me to wake Then let me sharpen when I ache I sign my name, I won’t forsake The pain that taught me how to wake
  10. On the Other Side Read lyrics
    The room is quiet, lights turned low My pulse still loud from what I know That flash of red, that spike of fear Too much at once, too sharp, too near The sink still stained inside my mind A moment I can’t quite rewind I chose this path, I knew the cost But didn’t plan to feel this lost I know it hurts. I know it’s slow. I bear this weight you didn’t know. You lie awake and count the strain And wonder if you’d choose this pain Not questioning why you doubt Just shaken by the way it played out The body trembles, breath runs tight The dark feels heavier at night And doubt comes easy in this place Where strength feels slow and hard to trace You’ve faced the flame and dared confront And sworn you’d reached your final front You’ve hit the wall and felt it win Then found another way to begin This is no different than before. It feels like less, but it is more. The clot that broke, the rush, the mess Was shock, not some dark omen’s guess It scared you hard, it caught you wrong But you’re still here, and that is strong You are not fading in this night. You’re healing slow, and that takes fight. The body mends where you can’t see Beneath the pain, quietly It builds in places torn apart Long before it feels like a start This surgery, this weight, this scar Is not a measure of who you are It’s proof you faced what had to be And chose the path toward being free You won’t stay trapped in sheets and doubt This is a crossing, not a route You’re passing through, not settling in This is repair beneath the skin On the other side of this The breath will feel like bliss The mirror won’t reflect this strain Or echo back tonight’s sharp pain On the other side you’ll stand Not untouched, but stronger than planned The version lying here unsure If pushing on is worth the cure On the other side of this You won’t replay each drop and hiss Of doubt that tried to pull you thin You’ll only know you walked within And when you stand in light restored You won’t need proof of what you endured The night will shrink, I'll stay and pray But not the fear that ruled today On the other side of pain You’ll see what you have gained
  11. Without a Roof Read lyrics
    They told me what my life would be A caution sign, a liability Said “Some are built to barely cope” And wrote the end of my hope They measured me in fragile terms Predicted failures in return Said living lone was not my lane Said striving high would end in pain I signed my name beneath their doubt Let their forecast map me out Almost wore it like a crown Almost let it lock me down Years went by in waiting rooms Soft-lit lies and quiet dooms Every “no” became the proof I was built with a lower roof I learned to shrink before I tried Call retreat a safer side Let comfort act like it was wise Watched something in me slowly die But comfort isn’t peace, it’s slow It keeps you small where you won’t grow It pads the fall before you leap And buries hunger down too deep So I tore the script they handed me Not loud, just stubbornly I walked into the fear they named And let it test the frame Four years crawling toward a start Seven months to prove my heart The pace was never clean or fast But forward motion still counts as past They said the market’s closed and tight That effort doesn’t mean you’re right Twenty-seven thousand doors Still standing here on battered floors There’s a monster in my chest It says collapse would serve me best It says the numbers make it clear You’re wasting breath, there’s nothing here It speaks in heat, it speaks in blame It calls persistence just a game It wants me kneeling to the sound It wants me thinking I’ve been crowned But rage is honest, not precise It never calculates the price It burns the house to feel control Then leaves you with an empty role I hear it. I know its tone. I won’t let it run the throne. Held back isn’t held down. Silence isn’t a crown. Progress slow is still progress made. Effort given isn’t betrayed. I am not the doors that close. Not the market’s rise and lows. Not the count of who replied. Not the metrics I’ve supplied. They said I’d never stand alone. I built degrees from borrowed stone. They said I’d never carry weight. I outgrew every labeled fate. If I fall, I fall in stride. Not curled up where doubt resides. If I lose, I lose upright. Still choosing forward in the fight. Held back is not held down. Noise is not my crown. The pace is mine, the line is drawn. I’m still here, I’m still moving on. And if tomorrow looks the same Another door without my name I’ll lace my will and try again. Not because I’m sure I’ll win. But because I already did. I did not break. I did not quit. They wrote my end. I outlived it. They swore my aim was capped by proof. Turns out I was built without a roof.
Lessons Learned album cover
Completed album

Lessons Learned

12 songs · Album track order

  1. Beyond My View Read lyrics
    I learned to speak to empty space With folded hands and careful grace A quiet script I memorized For something watching from the sky I called into a distant glow A voice I swore I’d always know But every word I sent out there Just echoed back to empty air I traced the dark for any sign That something listened to what was mine I sent my voice into the light But nothing answered through the night So I imagined something more A different shape, a hidden door Something beneath my skin that grew A sense I wasn’t meant for what I knew A world where I was not this place Not held inside borrowed space Not bound to where I learned to stand But by something that was always planned If I was never meant to stay Then maybe silence was the way I changed the shape of what I’d call But nothing ever reached at all I asked the questions I could form Of something vast, of something warm But every answer circled back To trust the things I said I lacked I learned that asking had a line Where thought became a fault, not mine Where knowing more was something wrong And quiet meant that you belonged So I stood still and held my tongue And hid the thoughts I knew I’d spun I couldn’t force myself to see What wouldn’t stand in front of me They said the source of everything Could hear the smallest voice I bring That something endless, something wide Could hold a life like mine inside But I have seen how small we are A grain beneath a distant star A fleeting breath, a passing trace A life too small to take up space And still I’m told that something vast Would know me fully, hold me fast I don’t know how to make that real Without denying what I feel There are a thousand roads to take A thousand names, a thousand stakes Each one convinced it holds the truth Each one defining proof as proof And if the cost of being wrong Is endless nights where you don't belong Then how could anyone decide Which voice is truth and which ones lie I stand before a fractured sky With too many ways to be denied I don’t know how to choose a name When all of them demand the same And still beneath it, something stays A quiet pull I can’t erase A sense that maybe something’s there Just out of reach of thought or prayer Not gone, not silent out of spite Just somewhere past my line of sight Not something I can prove or trace But something I still want to face Because I never wanted less Than something more than emptiness If you're there beyond my view I don’t know how to reach for you
  2. Shown the Way Read lyrics
    I hear your voice through walls and air It cuts a path from everywhere You name each turn before I move I still step towards what I can’t prove The space is thick, the lines aren’t clear I only know you’re somewhere near You say the way is straight and true But I can’t see the way you do I move because you said to go Not because I fully know You show the path I need to take And still I walk through what may break The way ahead won’t stay in line Each step I take could misalign No steady line beneath my feet Just something telling me repeat Each step I take could be the last A fragile line I’m walking past You never force, you never bind You only place it in my mind A direction drawn but not defined Something I follow half-blind You show the way but not the ground I still step forward without sound The walls fall back, the space expands A restless pull beneath my hands A distant point cuts through the black A single line I can’t turn back It doesn’t calm the waves I face It doesn’t slow the shifting pace It only marks a place to steer While everything stays unclear No promise that the storm will break Just something telling me which way The light is there, it cuts the night But doesn’t make the water right The wind still pulls against my frame The path ahead looks just the same No clearer view, no steady sign Just something telling me it’s mine You never said I’d always see Exactly where each step would be You never said the road was clear Or free from weight or free from fear Only that I should move ahead And trust the words that have been said You gave a voice I chose to hear Even when the way’s unclear I still don’t see the end in sight Or know if every step is right But something in me stays aligned With every word you leave behind Not proof enough to make it known But more than anything I’ve shown A quiet pull I can’t deny That keeps me moving towards your sky You showed the way, which road to take Through every step that cuts and breaks
  3. Meant to Be Read lyrics
    I spent my time on what I knew A path I thought I’d follow through The same direction, same intent And still I saw no sign it went I gave it time, I gave it weight Kept trying hard to anticipate effort rewards , or so I thought But nothing came from what I wrought It never shifted, just stayed the same different days, the same old frame To much effort to recall Just stopped reaching out at all Worn down by how it played out Tired of what it brought about I let it go, I let it rest The path I thought was the best No final word, no bitter end Just effort I could not defend And right when I had stepped astray Something else just found its way Not something I had known before But resonated to my core A different door, a different view Something I never thought I’d do But still it stood, a way ahead I pray it’s not a path misled And I just stopped and took it in Not sure of where this might begin Because I know how this can go How things can shift to and fro I’ve seen enough to hesitate Before I call it something great But still it came at just that time Right when I reached the end of my line And maybe that’s enough to see That this might be meant to be I don’t know where this one will lead Or if it’s everything I need But something in it feels like more Than anything I had before Not proof that this is meant to be But it’s close enough for me To take a step, and try to mend Without predicting how it ends Not chasing what I thought I’d find Or begging just to rewind And if it holds, I’ll see it through And if it breaks, I’ll face that too But I won’t stay where I gave in Just fearing what could come again Because right now that’s all I need Not certainty, just room to breathe
  4. Finally Me Read lyrics
    I stayed within a measured line A version shaped by what felt fine A voice that never reached too far A life that fit what others are I kept it safe, I kept it small No risk of rise, no chance to fall A steady path I could defend That led me nowhere in the end I knew that something wasn’t right A quiet pull I’d always fight I stayed inside what I could be But never close to finding me It wasn’t fear of failing hard Or losing ground or falling far It wasn’t even fear of loss Or paying any kind of cost It was the thought of being seen Without a frame to hide between No practiced lines, no guarded face No way to soften or replace The version I had always shown With something real I couldn’t own There’s something more than what they see And something more within me So now I step beyond that line Without a map to say it’s fine No promise that this path will lead To anything I thought I’d need I know the odds, I know the fall I know how this could cost it all But something in me won’t agree To live as less than I could be Even if it all breaks apart At least it starts from my heart I don’t know where this path will lead But something in me won’t concede No mask to wear, no role to play No need to filter what I say No second guess on every move Or shaping what I try to prove Just something honest, something clear A version I can keep right here Not built to fit or stay in line But something that is fully mine But if it breaks, I’ll let it go Not something shaped to fit a role Even then, I'll finally see That what I chose was finally me
  5. Binding String Read lyrics
    I thought the lines were drawn at birth By name, by blood, by given worth A place that should have felt like home But never did, I stood alone A shape I tried to fit inside That never once would fall in line I stayed within what I was told But something there never took hold I thought that love was tied to name But none of it felt quite the same You came along without a claim No shared design, no binding name No reason carved in anything That said you owed me what I’d bring No history you had to keep No cost that made it feel too steep Just something simple, something clear You stayed, and you were simply here You stood where you could walk away But chose to stay, and chose to stay I kept expecting something back A cost, a shift, a hidden lack A moment where it all would turn And prove there’s always something earned I watched for cracks, I watched for change For something slipping out of range For proof that it would fade like all The things I knew before this call I kept expecting it to end Like everything I’d known back then The days went on, the shape held true No shift in what you chose to do No debt implied, no balance kept No silent terms that slowly crept And slowly something changed in me Not loud, not sudden, not set free Just something loosening its hold On what I thought was always told You chose me without anything No blood, no name, no binding string And I still hesitate to trust Something that stands without a cost A part of me still looks for why Or waits for something to deny But something quieter stays near A steady truth that doesn’t disappear Not forced, not proved, not questioned through Just something I can finally view And maybe that’s what I can see You chose this place, and you chose me I don’t need more than what this is No rewrite of what once was missed No balance drawn, no equal weight No need to justify or state Just something real that’s here to stay Not depending on what I gave away A presence that remained the same Without a reason, without a name I’ll let it stand for what it is Not what I doubt, but what it gives
  6. Freely Given Read lyrics
    I’ve seen what reaching hands can mean A hidden cost beneath the seen A favor framed as something kind That leaves a heavier debt behind I learned to measure every give By what it takes to let me live No open door without a catch only offered help with strings that match I kept my ground, I held my line If it was mine, it stayed as mine No borrowed breath, no shared demand I’d rather fall than take a hand I don’t know how to take what’s freely given Without expecting something hidden You didn’t push, you didn’t pry You didn’t need a reason why You stood the same through every doubt And never tried to cash it out No shifting tone, no subtle claim No quiet score beside my name No weight attached to what you gave No quiet threat beneath the save But every instinct in me pulls To read the space for hidden tolls To brace for terms I cannot see Or debts that circle back to me I don’t know how to take what’s freely given Without expecting something hidden Every hand I’ve known before Had something hidden at its core If I accept, then what am I? The man who needed help to try? The one who couldn’t stand alone Who needed strength that wasn’t his own? I fought too hard to build this ground To let that old version come back around To slip again, to lose that fight To trade my will for something light But standing here, I see it clear This isn’t built from doubt or fear This isn’t something I must earn Or something waiting for return I don’t know how to take what’s freely given Without expecting something hidden But maybe not all hands that reach Are waiting just to take from me This isn’t rescue, not a save Not pulling me back to a grave Not turning me back to who I was Or undoing all that I’ve become It’s just a hand that chose to stay Not one that takes, then turns away Not something I’m required to be Just space to stand beside, still me And maybe trust is not a fall Or losing strength, or losing all Maybe it’s choosing, even then To take the hand, and still stand as I am I don’t know how to take what’s freely given Without expecting something hidden But I can choose, despite the fear To take the hand that’s offered here It won’t erase the path I made Or strip the ground I’ve already claimed I won’t become who I outgrew Just because I leaned on you This doesn’t bind me, doesn’t break The ground beneath the steps I take It doesn’t steal the strength I’ve earned Or undo everything I’ve learned It’s just a choice I never knew A different way to follow through Not standing less, not giving in Just letting something else begin I don’t know how to take what’s freely given Without expecting something hidden But I will learn, though I resist To take the hand I would have missed
  7. Left Unspoken Read lyrics
    When I was young it came with ease Running home and climbing knees Saying “love you” every night Never scared to hold on tight It was just us for quite awhile You carried pain but wore a smile And every night before I slept You made me feel safe as you wept Back then the words came naturally Before they started leaving me As I got older things grew strange Little pieces started to change Hugs got shorter over time Simple words grew hard to find You still reached out the way you could And I still cared the way I should But somewhere in those quiet years I learned to hide away my fears Not all at once, not suddenly Just less of who I used to be Then came years I barely spoke Everything inside made me choke Not just with you but everyone Like something in me had gone numb I stopped returning words I heard Stopped speaking those precious words Even when I knew you cared I struggled showing feelings there I know that distance had grown Even if it had never shown As time moved on I slowly thawed Stopped seeing love as something flawed Not all at once, not perfectly Just pieces I shared earnestly I learned that silence doesn’t mean The absence of what isn't seen And all the things I locked away Were always here to stay They stayed with me through every year Even when I hid my tears now I want to say these things And see the joy that they bring I still don’t reach the way I should The way I wish I always could But every call I hesitate Every moment that I wait Comes from caring more than shown Not from wanting to be alone I’m still learning how to convey The things I always meant to say I still don’t say the things I should The way I wish I always could All the things we thought were broken Still live within what I’ve left unspoken
  8. Need Me To Be Read lyrics
    I learned your name before I knew What something close was meant to do A place beside, a space we shared A role I never questioned there You said the word like it was true A name that settled into you I never fought it when you spoke But something in me never closed I stood inside what you could see But not the way you looked at me I stood where you could always reach never where your eyes could breach The years went on, the shape held tight The same two roles, the same two sides I knew before I understood That something in me never could I saw you drift, I saw you fall Through things I couldn’t name at all I stayed the same, I didn’t move Not something I could risk or lose I kept the line you needed clear And never crossed it standing here I stayed where I was safe to be Not where I wanted you to see The nights got loud, the lights got dim The world you chose pulled you within I watched you fade through borrowed air And stood unchanged, still standing there The faces came, the faces went Each one a different kind of bent I never spoke, I never tried Just held the place right at your side Not judging what you had to chase Just knowing I don’t fit that space I watched you drift through everything And stayed the same, where you could lean I know the ways I could be more Than anything you’ve known before But I’m not built for where you go Or what you chase or what you show I couldn’t be the life you live Or meet you where you choose to give I’m something else, a different line A steadier ground you never define And maybe that’s the truth I see I’m not the place you’d choose for me I’m not the life you’re drawn to live Just someone steady when it gives And now we stand where we have been The same two roles we’re standing in No shift in shape, no change in tone Just something quietly overgrown I know the step I’ve never made words I’ve buried, but won’t let fade Not out of fear, not out of doubt But knowing what they’d turn inside out Because the line is not unclear It’s something you still need right here I could step forward, change the line But what you need matters more than what is mine So I remain where I have stayed The same quiet role I’ve always played Not less than what I feel inside Just something I have set aside Not something broken, not denied Just something I don’t let decide The place I stand, the space I keep A version of me you won’t see weep And maybe that’s what this will be Not what I want, but what you see I’ll stay where you need me to be Even if that’s all you’ll ever see in me
  9. Of Two Minds Read lyrics
    Nothing here was built to last Everything just fades too fast You’ve seen it break, you know the end It always bends, it never mends Maybe so, but I’m still here That hasn’t changed across the years You call it proof it all will fall I say I’ve outlasted it all You say it’s set, I say we’ll see You say that’s how it has to be Of two minds, they both remain But only one I will maintain You say it slips, it always will That nothing ever stays still You’ve watched it fall too many times You’ve learned the shape of all the signs Then let it fall, I’ll build again That doesn’t mean it has to end You say collapse is all you see I say it’s proof I still can be You say the past will always win You say I’ll end where I begin Of two minds, they both remain But only one I will maintain You know how easy this could break One step too far, one choice to make You’ve stood that edge, you’ve seen that fall You know how fast it ends it all I’ve seen it too, I know that place I know the pull I used to chase But knowing that is why I stay And choose a different path today You say it’s close, it’s always near You say it’s stronger than I fear Of two minds, they both remain But only one I will maintain It doesn’t matter what you build In time it cracks, in time it yields You put it back, it falls again That’s how it’s always been Then let it break, I’ll build it new That doesn’t make the effort untrue You call it pointless, call it waste I call it something I can face You say the end is always set I say that hasn’t happened yet Of two minds, they both remain But only one I will maintain You’ll never silence what I say I’ll always find another way You think you’ve changed, but I remain The same old voice inside your brain You’re right, you’re never going to fade You’re part of every step I’ve made But being there is not control You don’t decide my final role You say I bend, I say I stand You say I break, I say I can Of two minds, they both remain But only one I will maintain And even now you still return In quieter ways that twist and turn Not sharp enough to make me spin But close enough to pull me in You don’t need force to make me sway You only need one careless day You speak in ways I almost miss In passing thoughts that still persist You say it’s truth, I say it’s noise You say I fall, I make the choice Of two minds, they both remain But only one I will maintain You tell me none of this will last That I’m just running from the past That everything will circle back And put me right into that track Maybe it will, maybe it won’t But I won’t feed what it promotes Ill Face it again when it appears I’ve stood through worse across the years You say I’ll slip, I say I might But I won’t give you control tonight Of two minds, they both remain But only one I will maintain You’re still a shadow in my head Not something buried with the dead You shaped the ground beneath my feet But not the road I choose to keep And I don’t need to make you gone To prove that I can still move on You can exist without the lead You can speak without the need You say you'll stay, I know you do But I decide when to follow through Of two minds, they both remain But only one I will maintain
  10. Let it Die Read lyrics
    I used to walk a thinner line Where breath itself felt hard to find A place where days would blur and bend And I could not see past the end Rooms with walls that closed in tight Long empty hours without light A version I could not defend Who didn’t think that it would end I buried that beneath the years Outran the weight, outgrew the fears Built something stronger, something clear A life that finally kept me here Ten years passed without that voice No second guess, no darker choice A distance I could finally see Between that past and what was me I thought that part was left behind A broken piece I’d redefined Something I’d never have to face Or hear again in any place But then it came without a sound No crash, no shift, no pulling down Just something quiet in my head “you’d be better off dead” Not loud enough to take control Not something reaching for my soul But strong enough to make me see That it still had a place in me And I was angry it was there After the work, the years, the care How could it find its way back through Like nothing I had built was true I sat with it, I let it stay But didn’t let it lead the way Because a thought is not a choice And I don’t have to give it voice It didn’t win, it didn’t lead It didn’t turn to what I’d be It came and went, it passed me by And I was still here, I let it die So if it comes again someday I know it doesn’t get to stay It doesn’t take what I have built Or turn my strength to fear or guilt Because the truth I’ve come to see Is strength is not immunity It’s knowing when the ground gives way You stand back up and choose to stay
  11. Set it Down Read lyrics
    I carried you in everything In every thought, in every sting A quiet weight I learned to keep That followed me when I tried to sleep It shaped the way I spoke my name It tied itself to every blame A constant thread I couldn’t cut A door I swore I’d never shut I held it close like it was mine A truth I didn’t redefine As if the anger made me whole Or gave me back some lost control I held your weight like it was mine A constant truth I couldn’t unwind It took more time than I could see More breath than it returned to me A steady drain I never named A quiet fire I always blamed It lived in things that had no part Still found its way into my heart Not loud, not wild, not always seen Just always there, and in between And one day sitting side by side I felt that weight I couldn’t hide Not sharper then, not more severe Just heavier than any year This took from me more than from you And I kept paying like it was due You didn’t ask. You didn’t know. How far I’d let that hatred grow How long I’d carried what you did In ways I never even hid And in that moment something broke Not like a snap, more like a slow Unraveling of something tight That finally loosened in the light I looked at you, no rise, no flame No need to win, no need to blame No speech prepared, no grand excuse Just something I could finally choose I said it plain. I said it true. “You know what? I forgive you.” I set it down. I let it fall. It doesn’t own me anymore. It didn’t change what came before It didn’t settle any score It didn’t fix or make it right Or take the past out of my sight I still remember what was done The things you said, the things you’d spun The way it shaped the years I knew That part of it is still all true But I don’t carry it the same It doesn’t sit behind my name It doesn’t live inside my breath Or linger at the edge of death I set it down. It stays behind. It’s no longer mine to define. This wasn’t something that you earned Or something balanced, something turned No scale was tipped, no debt was cleared No sudden peace, no vanished fear It wasn’t for the past we had Or anything that made it bad It wasn’t something meant for you It was just something I had to do Because I couldn’t live like that With something always pulling back With something always taking space From every step I tried to place I set it down. I chose to leave What never once chose me to keep. I didn’t say it to repair Or act like something wasn’t there I didn’t say it to pretend Or try to make something mend I said it just to let it go To take back something you don’t own To draw a line I hadn’t drawn And still move forward, still move on And now it sits where it belongs Not gone, just not what carries on A piece of what my life has been But not the weight I live within I set it down, and it stays there No longer mine to hold or bear.
  12. To See Who I Became Read lyrics
    knew the sound your footsteps made And how often I sat and prayed The rumble of your truck outside And fear I never learned to hide I learned to keep my voice in line To read the room before the sign A younger me could never tell What version of you came to yell Some nights your anger crossed too far And left its mark like a hidden scar Words spoken hard, a raised right hand More weight than I could understand I carried that through growing years Turned all that hurt into my fears And for a long time all I knew Was every wound I tied to you I thought the anger was the whole The only truth within my soul I never stopped to ask what weight Could turn a man so hard with hate You worked through nights that never slowed Through frozen storms and chains you'd throw Countless hours without a moment to breathe Still came back home and didn’t leave You carried more than I could name Bills, long hours, and constant strain A house that pulled from every side And nowhere safe to set it aside I see it clearer looking back Even home there was no slack No quiet place to let things go No steady ground beneath your soul That doesn’t make the hard parts right Or change that those years took flight But growing older let me see what The man beneath the anger could be Because outside the worst of that You still gave all the strength you had You kept the lights, you kept us fed You showed up tired, but still you bled And even when I pulled away Spent years with nothing left to say You never forced me to explain Or tried to turn my hurt to shame I know I made that distance wide Let bitterness become my guide There were years I shut you out Years defined by fear and doubt But time can shift what once felt clear And age can change the things you hear The older that I came to be The more your burdens came to me Not every choice I understood Or every way you handled things was good But life became less black and white I stopped being bound so tight I never saw what staying meant The years you gave, the way they went How many times you could have gone But still woke up and carried on And though the years were hard to see You never turned your back on me Some pain runs deeper than one hand Or things a child can understand The older that I came to be The less it traced to only thee Not every wound was yours to blame You stayed to see who I became
Say It Twice album cover
Completed album

Say It Twice

13 songs · Track order undecided

  • Carry On Read lyrics
    The road ahead splits left and right And neither choice feels right to my sight One path asks me to stay and wait One asks me to embrace my fate I turn them over in my head Long after I should be in bed Every answer leads to more Than what I understood before The weight of every choice I've drawn Makes me too tired to carry on Too tired to carry on Too tired to carry on Another day, another dawn And I'm too tired to carry on The work I have is wearing thin The work ahead may box me in One offers safety at a cost One risks becoming something lost Then somewhere else a door appears Built from equal parts hope and fear A chance to build the life I want Or watch another dream grow gaunt I weigh the risks, I count them all And still can't see which way I'll fall Too tired to carry on Too tired to carry on The road keeps stretching ever long And I'm too tired to carry on The pills may help me find my ground But every answer circles round One problem solved, another waits Standing watch beside the gates I know what happens if they work I know the burdens that may lurk The future shifts from day to day And every plan can slip away Some nights the doubts grow far too strong And I'm barely holding on I'm barely holding on I'm barely holding on The storm keeps pushing me along And I'm barely holding on I've stood in places just as dark Where every hope had lost its spark I've faced the nights that wouldn't end And found a way to rise again The years behind me leave their proof High school, college, every truth Every voice that said I'd fail Now echoes weak and growing pale I've heard those verdicts all along And still somehow I've carried on I know I'll carry on I know I'll carry on No matter what may still go wrong I know I'll carry on The answers may not come today The fear may never fade away The weight may still be mine to bear And certainty may not be there But looking back across the years Past all the doubt and all the fears The lesson written clear and strong Is every time I've carried on
  • Finally Human Read lyrics
    For years I packed with room to spare Kept every burden light to bear If something didn't fit the ride It stayed behind or got denied I never bought what couldn't move Never put nails just to prove Every place was just a stop Never somewhere that I'd drop I thought that's just the way life ran Never questioned why I'd planned For every ending, every fall Before I'd even built at all Finally human, or so it seems Making plans for next week Finally human, or so it seems My future no longer looks bleak One day I caught myself looking round At things I'd bought that weighed me down A couch too wide, a weight set The kind of stuff I'd never get If every road might end tomorrow Or every smile still hid a sorrow Funny how I never knew What those things spoke to A picture hanging on the wall The future wasn't quite so small Little signs I should've seen Scattered through the in-between Finally human, or so it seems Making plans for next week Finally human, or so it seems Buying things I'm going to keep I used to hide what I would feel Like saying it would make it real A laugh was measured, tears were rare I'd lock them up and leave them there Then somewhere in this passing year I stopped apologizing for tears Stopped checking every room I knew For reasons I should see them through I smiled one day and caught myself Not doing it for someone else No mask to wear, no role to play Just glad to see another day Finally human, or so it seems Smiling without wondering why Finally human, or so it seems Looking people in the eye Then one night sitting all alone I looked around the life I'd grown The things I'd built, the things I'd kept The dreams that hadn't left me yet And it occurred to me right then The man I was and who I'd been Would never recognize this place Or the look upon my face For years I lived prepared to run Like peace was borrowed from someone Like every good thing I'd received Was something to be grieved Finally human, now I can see What changed wasn't the world around me Finally human, now I believe I stopped preparing to leave Finally human, that's what it was It snuck up on me just because Finally human, now I can see The life I wanted waiting on me
  • Immortal Read lyrics
    The river never keeps its shape Yet somehow defines the landscape It leaves the mountain far behind But never leaves itself in time The forest falls beneath the snow Yet feeds the roots under toe What looked like loss from where I stood Became the next year's living wood I spent my life afraid of change As if all endings stayed the same We are Immortal We are Immortal Beyond the loss and all that changes We are Immortal The stars burn out beyond our sight Yet send us echoes through the night It fades from where it shone and lights worlds never known The wave dissolves upon the shore Yet joins the waiting sea once more No single crest survives the day Yet none are ever washed away I feared the dark beyond the frame As if it swallowed every name We are Immortal We are Immortal Beyond the loss and all that changes We are Immortal Some swear a kingdom waits beyond Some say we circle and move on Some say we're written in the stars Or scattered through the dark afar Some say our atoms never cease But simply trade their form in peace Some say the soul survives the flame And wakes to wear another name I do not know which road is true Or what awaits beyond my view We are Immortal We are Immortal Beyond the loss and all that changes We are Immortal The rain returns to mountain stone Yet never truly travels lone The flower falls beneath the frost Yet feeds the roots that thought it lost The light I see from distant skies May come from stars that long since died Yet still it finds its way to me Across the vast eternity Perhaps the fear I've carried long Was built upon a vision wrong We are Immortal We are Immortal Beyond the loss and all that changes We are Immortal Call it heaven if you choose Call it something science proves Call it spirit, dust, or flame The ending always shifts its name Call it memory, call it birth Call it atoms crossing earth Call it something we can't see Still moving through eternity The river never stays the same Yet somehow easily tamed We are Immortal We are Immortal Beyond the loss and all that changed I am immortal
  • Named After Me Read lyrics
    I must've been about five or six When Nana pulled a funny trick She brought a man I'd never seen And said he'd joined the family tree He smiled and shook my little hand Then told me what his name was then I laughed and said quite proudly "That's neat, you're named after me" The grown-ups laughed, I couldn't see What was so funny it brought them glee I thought you were named after me Papa and Nana packed the truck Most every summer we'd head up A fishing pole, a .22 And all the things young boys should do We'd build a fire as daylight died And watch the stars fill up the sky He never talked a whole lot then But somehow always knew just when To let the silence have its say And leave the rest for another day I thought you were named after me Christmas came the way it should With wrapping paper, food, and wood And there you'd sit beside the tree The same chair every year I'd see Not loud enough to fill a room Yet somehow chased away the gloom The kind of man who didn't need To prove a single thing he'd be Just steady as the winter snow And always there when we would go I thought you were named after me The years rolled on the way they do School and work and growing too The things that seemed so far away Became the things that filled my days Years have a way of changing things The truth arrives on quiet wings Not through words or grand displays But through countless ordinary days The kind you never think about Until you realize your time runs out I thought you were named after me The older photos lost their shade The campfire light began to fade The shooting trips, the fishing line The countless moments lost to time And looking back it seems to me That child believed so earnestly somewhere through the passing years The joke became a little clear We might have shared the same name But that was never what remained I thought you were named after me Now when I sit by evening fires Or watch the smoke from burning tires I find myself in quiet thought Of all the things those years had taught Not through words or grand displays But through countless ordinary days And if there's one thing time has shown how much he influenced how I've grown Funny how life can sometimes be I thought you were named after me
  • Nana's Prayers Read lyrics
    The house was loud, the nights were long Some days it felt like all was wrong I learned too young to hide the hurt And wear a smile when things got worse The walls could shake, the tempers flare Some wounds were more than I could bear I didn't know what else to do But Nana always seemed to Nana's prayers got me through When life was truly blue The years rolled on, I lost my way Made choices I still curse today The papers talked, the rumors spread And painted futures filled with dread They swore I'd never rise again That one mistake would be the end I heard those words and thought them true But Nana never seemed to Nana's prayers got me through When my penance was due The voices came in different forms Some whispered soft, some came as storms They spoke of fear, they spoke of shame And knew exactly where to aim She'd tell me not to give them room The darkest thoughts lead to doom When I could barely see it through Nana always seemed to Nana's prayers got me through When I could only trust few The doctors spoke in careful tones pain that brought only groan A chest cut open, scars to keep And fears that followed into sleep Then years would bring another pain A different kind, a deeper strain The day my stepson went away And every answer seemed delayed I wasn't sure what still remained Or if my life was to be drained When every prayer felt hard to do Still Nana always seemed to Nana's prayers got me through When it was time I grew More than I ever knew The years moved on the way they do And somehow all those prayers pulled through Not every wound was washed away Not every night gave way to day But every storm that came for me Found someone on her knees between The weight I carried and the fall She stood there through it all Then one day roles began to change The strong grew tired, life rearranged Machines and monitors filled the room And doctors spoke of coming doom For years she'd bowed her head for me Through every storm I couldn't see The woman who had carried mine Now needed someone by her side I folded hands beside my bed And spoke the words she'd always said I didn't know what heaven knew But finally I knew what to do Then I prayed for Nana too
  • Never Got to Know You Read lyrics
    I know your face from years gone by A few old stories passed in time The kind of things that families share When someone isn't sitting there Different towns and different years Kept us apart more than they appeared By eighteen all I really knew Was that somewhere the world held you Then one June morning changed the air And left a silence sitting there I never got to know you They spoke of the way you would grin The friends you made, trouble you'd been in The jokes you'd tell, the things you'd say Small pieces carried far away I listened close to every word Trying to make the picture heard But every story left me with Another piece I somehow missed The more I gathered, strange but true The more I knew I never knew you I never got to know you A little girl not one year old Too young to keep what she'd been told Too young to hear your voice and laugh Or build a single memory on your behalf She'll never know the things you liked Or hear your side of any fight She'll only know what others knew And try to build a version of you And every time that thought comes through It feels familiar somehow too She never got to know you One faded shirt inside a box Has made each move from stop to stop Across the country, back again It somehow follows where I've been A mark in ink upon my skin The only thing that time can't thin Not proof of moments that we shared Just proof I wish they'd once been there The years move on the way they do Yet some things never quite pass through I never got to know you Sometimes I wonder who you'd see If you could sit and talk with me Would we get along, disagree Or laugh at things nobody can see Would you be proud of where I've been The fights I've lost, the fights I'd win The answers faded years ago Along with things I'll never know Some questions time won't answer to No matter how long you pursue I never got to know you The older that I come to be The more this truth returns to me Not every loss is memory Some losses live in treachery The brother, father, years denied By distance, fate, and passing time Two different lives still owed a due The same thing taken from us two For all the years that came and went For all the wondering we've spent We never got to know you We never got to know you
  • Not Through Yet Read lyrics
    I watched you sleeping in your bed And worried what lay just ahead The world felt bigger than my sight And darker than the coming night I tried to be what you deserved A steady hand, a guiding word The road was long, the years unsure I couldn't know with intentions pure Would I be able to help when troubles came Or keep you safe through fear and pain But I knew I'd always be there The years moved fast, the trouble came And people learned to know my name The papers spoke of things I'd done And swore my future had been spun They said I'd never leave that place That every door would slam in my face The weight of it sat cold and deep And followed me into my sleep I feared one choice had sealed my fate And left my life too far to save But this won't be the end of me The years went by, I fell behind Or so it seemed inside my mind I watched my friends move on ahead While doubt kept circling round instead The classes stretched, the finish late Another detour, another wait I feared I'd squandered all my time Missed the years that should be mine I worried every road was gone I'd wake up with nothing at dawn But I'm still moving on Now every day presents a choice A hundred fears with equal voice Will I find work that lets me stay Or spend my life forever gray Will I find love before too long Or build the home I've dreamt upon Will time outrun the plans I've made Before the debts of life are paid I fear the things I cannot see The years still waiting ahead of me But I'm not through yet I am not through yet The decades pass, the children grow And leave for roads I'll never know The house grows quiet, nights grow long And memories replace the songs I wonder if I did enough When times were hard and days were rough If what I built will somehow stay When I no longer lead the way The questions linger in the air Like echoes fading everywhere My hands grow old, my hair turns gray I've watched whole lifetimes drift away The things I feared at every stage Now read like lines upon a page The brother, student, father, son Were never people one by one Just different names I've carried through While life kept changing into something new The fears I carried all those years The doubts that whispered in my ears Each felt enormous at the time Yet faded further down the line The road ahead still waits for me Though shorter than it used to be And if another fear appears I've made it through all these years I'm not through yet
  • Outta Spite Read lyrics
    They said I’d never finish school Too hard to teach, too hard to rule A problem kid, too far behind Too loud, too broken in the mind I heard it young, I heard it clear What they expected from me here A dead-end road, a wasted life A brutal claim sharper than a knife But every time they drew that line Something in me came alive A stubborn spark, a need to fight So I pushed forward outta spite I did it outta spite Every “you can’t” just felt like light Every doubt they tried to write Became the fuel that got me by I did it outta spite When everything said lose the fight Some people run, some people hide Me? I survived outta spite At thirteen they had me done Another lost and angry son They said I’d either end in chains Or as rot that only drains But years went by and so did I No flashing lights, no alibis No prison bars, no violent end Just scars that learned how not to bend And every time they called my fate Something in me filled with hate Not hate enough to burn my life Just enough to make me rise I did it outta spite Every closed door every night Every time they said “you’ll break” Made me give more than I could take I did it outta spite Too damn stubborn not to fight Some people fold beneath the weight I carried it despite their hate Then came college, then came debt Long nights drowning in regret Everybody had their doubts How long before I dropped out But paper stacks beside my wall Prove I survived through it all Long nights pushing through the doubt Too damn stubborn to drop out And now I’m here again somehow Another man still talking down Half-ass lessons, hollow praise Still grinding through these endless days So I teach myself what they won’t teach Pushing forward till I reach I’ve come too far to lose this fight So yeah, I learn it outta spite I did it outta spite Every setback every night Every time life drew blood answered back by standing against the flood I did it outta spite Too exhausted not to fight Sometimes rage is all you’ve got When giving up is not a thought But now the battle’s turned around A different voice is talking now Not teachers, cops, or anyone Just me when all the day is done Now every mirror talks me down Says I won’t turn this body around Says mid-thirties means too late Just settle in and call it fate I used to move like I could fly Before fear taught my heart to hide Then surgery rewired my head And part of me stayed scared instead Now comfort whispers “stay the same” No need to chase, no need to change But I know where that road will lead Soft surrender as I slowly bleed And after everything survived After every time I tried After every wrong prediction Every scar and every friction No matter the hardship I face No matter how much I need to brace No matter how it brings me plight Fuck it , I’ll do it outta spite
  • Something Good Today Read lyrics
    Mama brought another man around We all gave him the cautious frown By then we'd seen a few come through And figured he would leave there too He talked too loud and laughed too long Made animal noises all day long Had more sayings than I could count Most of them I'd never heard pronounced At supper he'd point around the room And make us answer way too soon Tell me something good today Good food, good meat Good God, let's eat That's how he'd always start the night Good food, good meat Good God, let's eat Then somehow make the world feel right He helped me fix up my old truck When rusted bolts had all locked up Never asked for much in return Just showed with no concern When songs I'd write were rough and raw He'd listen through every flaw Then tell me, "Boy, don't quit You've got some kinda gift for it Then he'd point me toward the nearest glass And tell me something with a laugh Look yourself right in the eye Good food, good meat Good God, let's eat Then he'd grin before he took a bite Good food, good meat Good God, let's eat Like he'd solved every problem in sight He'd say when life gets hard to take Don't let your backbone start to break Stand up straight and hold your ground The answer ain't always profound Sometimes it sounded downright dumb Till somehow later sense would come Funny how wisdom sometimes hides Behind the folks you'd least expect to find Good food, good meat Good God, let's eat That's how he'd always start the night Good food, good meat Good God, let's eat And somehow always end up right The years rolled by the way they do And somehow he kept pulling through Through every storm and every mess Without pretending to be less A little strange, I'll grant that's true But stranger still is what he proved Out of every man who came along He's the one who stayed this long Good food, good meat Good God, let's eat Funny how life works out sometimes Good food, good meat Good God, let's eat The best ones aren't the easiest to find They just keep showing up One day at a time
  • Summertime Sister Read lyrics
    Every June you'd reappear Like someone dropped a season here Nine long months would drift apart Then summer picked up where we'd start One afternoon I called a cheat You disagreed from your couch seat A controller flew through the air And settled that whole matter there We fought and laughed and made amends Like every pair of accidental friends Then August came and you were gone And life kept moving right along You were my summertime sister A few short months then off you'd go You were my summertime sister And somehow that was all we'd know A plastic pool, a garden hose Sunburnt backs and scraped-up toes We'd spend all day outside the house Until the sunlight was doused The years moved on, we both grew up Trading cartoons for grown-up stuff One summer I got far too proud And thought I'd figured people out I baited questions, set the trap Then watched you walk right into that I'd like to say I've grown since then thankfully, it was way back when You were my summertime sister A few short months then off you'd go You were my summertime sister And somehow that was all we'd know Then life got bigger, life got hard It scattered people like a deck of cards Then life started running too fast And summers started slipping past I landed low out there in Iowa Trying hard to fake okay somehow Most days I barely recognized The man I saw through my own eyes You came to visit for a while And brought nothing but your smile You never knew what seeing you did helped me more than I'd have bid No speeches given, no advice No magic words that changed my life Just someone from a better day Reminding me I need to stay You were my summertime sister You helped me through without a clue You were my summertime sister And I don't think I ever thanked you Now your little boy is growing fast And one day he'll ask about the past The people who helped shaped your days And all the stories that remain I hope his childhood stays complete No long goodbyes at summer's end to keep No counting months till someone's here No watching taillights disappear But if life writes that story too And sends a summertime sibling through I hope they laugh and fight and mend And stay a lifelong kind of friend You were my summertime sister For all the years and all the miles You were my summertime sister And every summer left a smile You were my summertime sister Though life moved on and seasons flew You were my summertime sister And if he's lucky, he'll find one like you
  • The Storm Read lyrics
    Thirty-three and standing here With equal parts of hope and fear A road I've never walked before Waiting just beyond the door For years if plans fell apart There'd always be a place to start A steady hand, a softer fall Someone standing past the wall But now the choice is mine alone No borrowed ground beneath my bones I could run home and fail Lord, I fear I am that frail I fear I am that frail I've spent months hunting for a sign A reason I should stay behind A loose thread I could pull apart To justify my cautious heart Maybe now's not quite the time Maybe one more year is fine Maybe all those doubts I keep Are warnings I should gladly heed Every excuse sounds good tonight When fear can masquerade as right I should run home and fail Before this storm can fill my sail This storm can fill my sail The harbor's safe, I know it's true The water waits beyond my view And every wave I cannot see Feels twice as large inside of me But every dream worth chasing down Has always lived beyond this town And every door I've longed to try Required a chance to say goodbye The farther that I see the shore The less I want to turn once more I might run home and fail But not without a fight and wail Not without a fight and wail No grand speech and no guarantee No promise waiting there for me Just an open sky and open sea And the man I'm hoping I can be If I stumble, if I bend If I lose more than I intend At least the choice was mine to make At least I dared for my own sake The storm can take what it may This path is mine to make I won't run home and fail That was never meant to be my tale never meant to be my tale
  • Thy Neighbor Read lyrics
    I've measured all my worth By every failure, every hurt A running list I kept nearby Of reasons I should never try I kept receipts of every flaw As proof of every broken law And every good that came to pass Was something that would never last I thought that voice was keeping me From pride and false humility I never stopped to ask myself If mercy reached beyond everyone else Love thy neighbor as thyself I heard the words, missed their case Certain I deserved less grace Love thy neighbor as thyself A friend could tell me where he'd failed And I'd insist his worth prevailed One wrong choice doesn't make the man Or erase the good within his hands I'd tell my brother not to drown Beneath mistakes that dragged him down I'd tell my son when days went wrong One moment doesn't last that long I'd offer patience, I'd defend The hearts of strangers and of friends Yet every kindness I believed Stopped short of reaching back to me Love thy neighbor as thyself I'd never speak to them the way I spoke to myself every day Love thy neighbor as thyself The years went by beneath that load Dragging chains down every road I called it truth, I called it strength Never seeing to what length Because contempt can't make you grow Its only something dragged in tow And shame can't build what it tears apart It only finds a home inside your heart I thought acceptance had to wait Until I earned a different fate As though compassion was a prize And as something full of lies Love thy neighbor as thyself Then why am I the lone exception Why is grace stopped by reflection Love thy neighbor as thyself One night I read those words again The same old verse I'd heard since then And something in me finally broke Not like a snap, more like it spoke I saw the part I'd always missed Hidden in plain sight like a list The measure wasn't love them more Or leave yourself outside the door The standard used for everyone Was meant to reach this heart as one The hand I offered to the world Was never meant to leave me curled Love thy neighbor as thyself A Lesson learned in youth spent my life avoiding truth Love thy neighbor as thyself I still have days that pull me back Toward old beliefs and beaten tracks The voice still whispers from time to time Repeating lines I once called mine But now I see the lie beneath The thing I never could believe Grace was never theirs alone It was meant for me to own Love thy neighbor as thyself I finally see what I ignored I was standing outside the Lord Love thy neighbor as thyself Love thy neighbor as thyself I spent years asking if I belonged While reading the answer all along Love thy neighbor as thyself
  • Unworthy Read lyrics
    You tell yourself you're far too gone Too stained to stand where I belong You speak as though I do not know The places that you fear to show Lord, I know the things I've done The battles lost, the races run Forgive them, Father, was Your plea But they weren't half as bad as me You think I learned of all your flaws The day you stumbled from My laws As though the nails were some surprise Discovered only by My eyes I knew the weight of every sin Before you ever walked within I knew the roads you'd choose to tread The thoughts that echoed through your head Then why, my Lord, if this is true Do I still feel so far from You? I knew the cost, I knew the pain And still chose every strain You count your failures one by one As though they've somehow overcome The very thing you claim is true That I gave up My life for you I know the verses, know them well Still find new ways to choose myself I cannot claim I didn't know The seeds I'd planted long ago Then tell Me child, what must you earn That wasn't bought the day I turned? What debt remains for you to pay That wasn't settled anyway? Because I'm unworthy, this I know The proof is plain wherever I go Each time I fall, each time I fail It's one more mark upon the scale You are unworthy, that is true And still I freely came for you You are unworthy, so was all That's why I answered when you'd call Lord, I'm unworthy, this I know And that's the part that hurts me so I know you're unworthy, yes indeed That's why grace is what you need Lord, I'm unworthy I know Lord, I'm unworthy I know Then why do You still stay? Because I love you anyway

Albums in Progress

Work in progress

Birth of Tragedy

A gothic rock opera telling a dark fantasy story of Death, immortality, Chaos, and Order.

8 tracks shared so far · Current track order

  1. Withheld Read lyrics
    my blood drains before my eyes Wishing I hadn't believed their lies Naught but Death lays ahead and fills me full of dread I beg and plea, more time for me This death was never meant to be A thing appeared and chilled my spine Holding this hand of mine Now don't ya squeal I'm here to make a deal Time is mine to give After all you wish to live No need to get so tense All I ask for is your sense Not that of your mind Nor blood of your kind Just that of taste Something most often waste Not a thing to be missed At least you can still be kissed Time draws close, the end of your heart Answer quick before you depart A nod of my head Was worse then death instead You are now withheld The vile being yelled The night remained just as before Yet less, I knew it to my core If ever offered a deal That seems far to unreal Pray listen to my words As if I had spoken them in thirds Life is meant to end Do not beg to extend For a life with out your sense Is living a life in past tense
  2. Nothing Less Than Death Read lyrics
    this is my tale to tell about how I the first victim fell A tale most can't truly know but one that makes quite the show a day to celebrate, that of my birth but ones emotions were not but a dearth his love for her was so intense hatred for me easily condensed he was so full of his petty jealousy he would end the life of his child so messily in front of the one he cherished I was the one who first perished I don't know what could have been for the future changed with that first Sin A family that loved me so is a thing I'll never know Through the countless years I have seen countless tears despite wearing a thousand faces love is something that still chases they brought me gold and gave me crowns then they all ended in the ground so Id take all I'd like and crumbled to dust their precious Reich now lets return to the start about a man's obsessive heart He craved her sole attention for all of life So I died at the point of his knife Only a few breaths did I take the decision was not mine to make fate expected him to love me too but something in him broke and he slew though i wander the world now I wonder why life was disallowed a high price did he pay for taking my breath his punishment was nothing less than Death
  3. Decay Read lyrics
    Nothing Less Then Death Though he still drew breath Sentenced to a Role That took the heaviest Toll Death became his crown life fell all around be it animal or plant all died down to the tiniest ant he had a moment of clarity, albeit brief whether from loneliness or grief he felt the weight and went Mad his remorse came in scads In a futile attempt to save his soul he used his power to its whole to fight off terror he'd see me Revived . Though I walk I'm Not really alive in my chest is the air Trembling hands still linger there His conceit thought he a god, so to did I the world felt right though a lie no sense of need did remain all my movement I felt a strain warm enough to not stay bare yet death lingered in my stare heartbeat slowed, hands numb to the bone a frail existence concealed that unknown At first I thought, "This too shall mend..." I could not know it would not end. Merely an infant measured by time knowledge came to me like a chime A vile thing did he cast my mind held knowledge of all lives past the horror came with understanding an existence now more than damning I walk amongst those still drawing breath carrying something far worse than death not long after I knew my bane to spend eternity living in pain failing breaths became my guide no choice where my soul resides No matter how often I would pray My flesh would once more Decay nerves would die, bones would break More torture than I could take when first my vessel died Relieved, I closed my eyes and cried for I thought my pain had won, then new eyes saw the sun new breath filled my chest borrowed heart that denied me rest my visage changed the curse had not another life that would slowly rot Each shell will give away I'll simply wake another day no grave to claim my weary soul no one knows the true toll
  4. I Won't Beg For Death Read lyrics
    I know the chill before it starts I know the slowing of my heart I know when feeling leaves my hands I know how death makes its demands My breath grows shallow, faint and thin I feel the coldness creeping in My eyes grow dark, my body weak Soon I'll lose the strength to speak Once I begged to stay alive Clawed and screamed so I'd survive Now I greet my oldest friend Praying this will be the end So take my breath and take my sight Let me disappear tonight No more flesh for me to wear No more waking anywhere My heartbeat stops, the pain is gone No aching flesh to carry on At last I feel my soul grow light And fall into the endless night [INSTRUMENTS FALL AWAY] [BREATH] But morning finds me all the same Another body, another name New eyes open to the sun And I know what has been done A stranger's hands rise to my face Another form I'll soon replace I find a mirror, there I stare Someone else is standing there How many times have I awoke? How many final words I've spoke? A hundred deaths? A thousand more? I've long since lost the final score I've drowned beneath an angry sea And thought its depths had swallowed me I've watched the rope take all my breath Still I woke beyond my death I've burned until I could not scream And welcomed darkness like a dream I've felt the fever take its toll Yet none could claim my weary soul I've held the hands of those whom love And watched them leave for worlds above They found the peace denied to me While I remained eternally Their children aged before my eyes Their towers fell beneath new skies Their very names were lost to time Yet still this curse remained as mine I once believed that death was cruel A cold and unforgiving rule But every creature gets release Even the wicked earn their peace The flower wilts, the forests fall The grave eventually takes all King and beggar, beast and tree Why does Death refuse just me? What sacred order calls this right? What law demands I lose this fight? If every rule can bend for one Then what good has order done? I begged the heavens, none replied I begged my father, still I died I begged the grave to let me stay It cast me back another day No more begging. No more prayer. No more asking what is fair. If this world denies my rest Then I owe it nothing less. Let kingdoms build their walls of stone Let kings believe the world their own I've watched a thousand turn to dust Why should I honor what they trust? If law itself has cast me out Then law is something I can doubt If order offers only pain Why should its precious rules remain? Perhaps I'll see another dawn Perhaps a thousand more roll on But something died in me tonight The need to make this world seem right. So when this borrowed heartbeat slows I'll feel the peace that never grows I'll close my eyes, as I've before But I won't beg for death anymore.
  5. Queen of Ashes Read lyrics
    A thousand deaths, a thousand cries A thousand times I've closed my eyes Yet every dawn still calls my name And drags me back to play this game I prayed until my throat ran dry I pleaded with the earth below But graves have never wanted me Death himself won't set me free I watch them sleep so soft at night Then wake to greet the morning light They speak of peace as if it's owed While I still drag this cursed load How terribly sweet. I begged for peace, upon my knees I begged for centuries, if you please I gave the heavens every plea And not a one came down for me I begged for peace. I was denied. Then peace itself... will finally die. Let every church bell scream tonight Let every field be set alight Let mothers clutch their babes and flee Let all of them remember me Let kings come riding with their blades Let soldiers march in grand parades Come cut me down, come take my head You'll learn how poorly I stay dead Burn this body, break each bone Leave nothing but the ash alone Enjoy your cheers, enjoy your fun Then scream when new eyes see the sun Again, Again!. AGAIN! Do you understand me now? There is no death that I'll allow No final blow, no killing strike So come and try me if you'd like Your precious order gave me none No mercy underneath your sun So if your laws won't hear my cries I'll burn your order from the skies I used to envy those who died I used to mourn and ask them why I used to wish to share their fate But peace has curdled into hate So dance with me among the flame I'll teach you all to curse my name I'll show you what my father made A thing no grave can keep contained For every night I begged to end For every grave that called me friend For every dawn that dragged me through I'll give that suffering back to you Do you hear them? All those prayers? Funny. I used to sound like that. Bring me your armies, bring them all I'll laugh and watch your banners fall And should you strike this body dead I'll simply wake in new flesh instead Perhaps they'll call me cruel or mad As if I care what I once had Terra begged until she bled She should have just stayed dead. I feel it crawling through my veins Something sweeter than the pain No prayer remains upon my tongue A different hymn must now be sung No laws. No peace. No grand design. If none were ever meant for mine Then let the world that cast me out Learn what existence is without Without its order. Without its laws. Without its precious little cause. Let chance decide who stands or falls Let madness dance throughout your halls Let every certainty decay Until there's nothing left to pray You wanted Terra on her knees. You had her. For centuries. Now look at me. I need no throne of jeweled stone No living thing shall call me own The crown I choose shall never pass A crown of soot. A crown of ash. So burn your kingdoms, toll your bells Turn every heaven into hell If I must walk when all things pass Then I shall reign upon the ash I begged for peace. You answered none. Now witness what your silence won. Let order choke. Let reason fall. Let Chaos have it all.
  6. Beyond them All Read lyrics
    I hear the bells from miles away Another kingdom burns today The smoke ascends to greet the sky And underneath, ten thousand die I know the hand that struck the flame I know the woman they now blame Before they learned to fear her name I held her once, before the shame My daughter. What have you become? No. What have I made you become? I took your life to feed my pride Then could not bear that you had died I broke the laws I came to serve And gave you more than you deserved Not life. Not death. A place between. A punishment that none had seen. I watched you beg me for release I watched you slowly lose your peace And still I hoped that time might mend A wound that time could never end A father's hope. A father's lie. I could not let my daughter die. Now cities burn beneath your feet The innocent flee through the street And every scream that reaches me Is born from what I did to thee I made this. Every flame. Every grave. Every soul I could not save. I could reach out and take your breath But you are beyond the reach of Death Destroy one shell and you remain To wake and spread your wrath again I made you something I can't end. My child. My failure. My oldest sin. Yet Chaos cannot stand alone Or soon no living seed is sown If nothing rises in its way The world itself will fall to prey There must be weight against the scale Something that will never fail A soul that time cannot erase A hand that Chaos cannot chase But not like you. Never again. No rotting flesh. No borrowed skin. No waking trapped behind new eyes. No endless deaths. No endless lives. If I must break the law once more I'll learn from what I broke before Not resurrection. Not rebirth. One life withheld upon this earth. A mortal body made to last Untouched by all the years that pass No age shall bend him toward the grave No sickness claim the life I save One heart. One flesh. One soul. Forever bound and always whole. He will not suffer your decay Nor wake within new flesh each day Where Chaos tears the world apart Perhaps another guards its heart Forgive me. Whoever you were. Whatever life you should have known. I take it from you now. I know the weight of what I choose I know exactly what you lose Yet if I leave the world to her There may soon be no world to endure So rise. Let blood begin to flow. Let lungs draw breath. Let heartbeat grow. From Death's own hand, defy the grave. Become the balance I could not save. Let Chaos find what stands before her. Let endless change encounter Order. You shall not age. You shall not fall. You shall remain beyond them all.
  7. The Weight of Forever Read lyrics
    Where am I, what is this place? Why can't I remember this space? My heart still beats within my chest Yet something will not let me rest I know that I should not be here That single thought is all that's clear I felt my final breath depart I felt the stopping of my heart I know I died. I know I did. So why do I live? My hands still move, my lungs still breathe But something's wrong underneath I feel my pulse beneath my skin What kind of life am I now in? A shadow moves beyond my sight A figure darker than the night I stumble back, I try to flee But still the figure follows me "What did you do?" I cry aloud No answer comes beneath the shroud "What have you done? What did you take?" The silence makes my body shake He speaks at last, his voice is low Of things I do not wish to know A life preserved, a soul retained A mortal from his end restrained Withheld. That is the word he said. Withheld. But withheld from what? The answer slowly fills my head And suddenly I know the dread No sickness waits to claim my breath No age will lead me into death "No." The word escapes before I know I shake my head and whisper, "No." "There has to be an end someday. All living things must pass away." He tells me I will never age As though I've slipped beyond a cage No failing heart, no final breath My life withheld from even Death I claw my fingers through my hair I gasp and struggle for the air "You call this life? You call this grace? Then put me back the right place!" But Death just stands and watches me As calm as endless night can be I scream until my throat is sore "Make me the man I was before!" There is no spell he can reverse. No simple end to break this curse. The thing he made will now remain Untouched by age, disease or pain I look upon my trembling hand And finally begin to understand This flesh will never turn to dust These bones will never break from rust A hundred years. A thousand more. Ten thousand waiting at my door. I try to count how long I'll stay But numbers simply fall away For every year that I survive Another waits while I'm alive There is no number large enough No final page, no final breath No distant shore that waits for me No end to what I now must be Forever. I had spoken it before. A foolish word and nothing more. A promise lovers liked to say For things they knew would fade away Forever never frightened me When it was something none could see When every man who spoke its name Would one day die all the same But I will know what others won't. I will endure when others don't. The sun may rise, the mountains fall And I may live beyond them all. No. No, I don't want this. Take it back. Please. I was a man. Let me remain one. Let me grow old. Let my hands shake. Let my eyes fail. Let my body break. Give me the years that I was owed And let me walk the mortal road Give me a grave, give me an end Let death still greet me as a friend I do not want eternity I do not want what's been given me If every ending passes by What will remain when I sigh.
  8. All But I Read lyrics
    I watched the first of kingdoms rise With banners bright beneath the skies They swore their walls would never fall I watched the ivy claim them all Their children built upon the stone And claimed the age as their own They spoke of kings both fierce and wise I watched all of their demise They bent the knee and called me lord Raised gilded temples and sang chords They prayed my favor as I was above And slew their sons as signs of love I warned them all what time would bring That crowns mean little to a king Whose eyes have watched the seasons turn And seen a thousand cities burn Empires rise and empires fall The earth remembers none at all The tallest towers scrape the sky Then crumble just as grass will die The wisest men and strongest hands Still build their castles out of sand And every age that thinks it stays Becomes a tale of bygone days At last I watched the old world end I said it so but they couldn't comprehend roads were lost, books are gone I stand alone at the dawn Time took that they thought would stay Their monuments returned to clay And all the things they swore would last Were swallowed by the distant past I stood where mighty kingdoms stood Their marble halls consumed by wood And when the final fire grew dim The world forgot that time is Grimm So heed these words while yet you may The mountains too shall fade away For all beneath the endless sky Must yield to time and learn to die This is true for all but I

Work in progress · Title undecided

Unnamed Fae Opera

A fae opera of wordplay, bargains, and lessons at the hawthorn hedge.

5 songs shared so far · Current track order

  1. Changeling Read lyrics
    I came into this world half-broke A sickly little pathetic joke. They wrapped me up and sent me home... Though something always felt unknown. I learned the rules the humans made, Then somehow failed them anyway. They'd laugh and say, "You're kinda strange." I figured I was built that way. I missed the cues, misunderstood, Did what they said a person should. But every time I played the part... The script and I would drift apart. So maybe I'm a changeling, Left where human children sleep. Maybe someone crossed the veil... And somehow they forgot to switch me. Maybe somewhere past the trees, There's a place that makes more sense to me. Where no one thinks I'm strange at all... They're just surprised I grew this tall. Then daylight joined the evidence. A few short minutes? Consequence. The sun comes out, I stay inside... Apparently I cannot Thrive... I've always loved the later hours, Midnight streets and sleeping flowers. The world gets quiet after three... And finally feels awake to me. Still, none of that means anything. Some people simply hate the spring. Some burn too fast beneath the sun... Then I discovered Iron. ... Well, fuck. Because iron doesn't like me much. My skin objects to every touch. Even surgical steel can leave A lovely little mark on me. Now I'm not saying that's a sign. I'm only saying... It's a sign. So maybe I'm a changeling, And someone botched the trade. Left me sleeping in a crib... Then wandered off and got waylaid. Maybe I was meant for somewhere Moonlight doesn't hurt my eyes. Where iron stays outside the door... And no one asks why I'm awake at five. Perhaps beyond the hawthorn hedge, Past mortal map and woodland edge, Some court still keeps an empty chair And wonders how I'm doing here. Perhaps I should be keeping court, Or making mischief for the sport. Trading riddles, names, and lies... No. Not lies. Carefully constructed technical truths. Forsooth! What fool hath left me here 'Mong fluorescent lights and fiscal years? When yonder moon through thicket gleams, I should be trafficking in dreams! With merry measure, moonlit leisure, pilfered treasure, debts of pleasure; word for word and boon for boon, binding bargains beneath the moon. Hither, thither, round the ring, mind thy manners when bells sing; name me not and thank me never, mind thy tongue and mind the weather. By briar, bower, bell and bone, by paths that shift when walked alone, by "thee" and "thine" and "hast thou brought the bloody thing for which I sought?" I'd mince my meaning, twist the telling, weave three truths through every spelling; rhyme the reason, season, treason, steal thy name for no good reason... Dance till dawn through dew and thyme, lose a decade, swear it's nine; trade a favor, steal a rhyme, return thee home... three centuries behind. ... See? I'm weirdly good at this. So maybe I'm a changeling. At this point, who can say? I've survived the human world this long... Which feels impressive anyway. Maybe somewhere through the trees My people wonder where I've been. Some ancient thing looks toward the veil And mutters, "He survived again?" I know it's only make-believe. A running joke I've learned to keep. But some nights underneath the moon... It doesn't sound so strange to me. Maybe I'm not made all wrong. Maybe I've been misplaced all along. Maybe somewhere waits a land Where all my edges understand. every time I played the part... The script and I drift apart. So I think I'm a changeling, Left where human children sleep. Back then someone crossed the veil... And somehow they forgot about me. somewhere past the trees, There's a place that makes more sense to me. Where no one thinks I'm strange at all... They're just surprised I have no thrall And if someday the veil grows thin, And something whispers, "Come on in..." I'll leave one note beside my bed: "Went home. Back in ten."
    Listen on YouTube: Changeling
  2. Mind Thy Tongue Read lyrics
    Oh, mortal darling. That was adorable. Now watch this. Thou cam’st to the hedge with a rhyme newly wrought, Three briars, two bargains, one secondhand thought; With moonlight in pockets and pride in thy pen, Then signed thy farewell with a vague “Back in ten.” “Word for word and boon for boon?” Sweetling, thou hast spoken too soon. A syllable sells what a sentence never tells; A whisper may witness, a question may claim, And courtesy collects what no answer would name. For bargains hide braided in breath and behavior, In favors that flavor the fee of the fae; A curtsy may purchase, a compliment cost, And “take what thou needest” leaves ownership lost. Mind promise from premise, permission from plea, The gift from the giving, the giver from thee; Mind may against might, shall against should... One carefully crooked conjunction draws blood. Thou boastest of taking a name? How quaint. A name is a knocker, a handle, a hinge; I’d rather take the why thou wouldst answer or flinch. Keep every last letter, each title and claim... I’ll leave thee forgetting why thou answerest thy name. Keep pace, little stray; lend a rhyme if thou can, And follow my measure wherever it ran. By willow-writ warrants and foxglove decrees, By moth-eaten monarchs who mortgage the breeze, By paths taking payment in footprints and breath, By doors saying “welcome” while meaning “enter debt.” Thou misplaced a decade and called it a feat? Ten years in a thicket? How charmingly neat. I swallowed a Sunday, split spring into seven, Then pawned one blue Tuesday for half of heaven. I folded a fortnight through four generations, Made midnights miss mornings in six separate nations; Lent August to autumn, gave winter to June, Then charged them both interest in splinters of moon. A bargain needs neither thy blood nor thy pen; Just finish the thought, I’ll leave at... Which brings us, dear wanderer... “Back in ten?” Ten what? Ten heartbeats? Ten tollings of bells? Ten winters? Ten weddings? Ten empires fell? Darling. Specify. Now, where was I? Aye, truth may be twisted while never untrue, And every fair statement may hide something due; The trick isn’t lying, how terribly crude... It’s serving the truth with the context removed. Say “freely,” say “fairly,” say “favor,” say “friend,” Say “only until,” but say nothing of when; Say “take what thou wishest,” then smile as they choose, For wanting and having make a marvelous noose. A clause may grow claws; a fine may mean fair, Then fine thee one fortune for touching my hair. A sentence may sentence; a term may be time; A present, a presence, a gift, or a crime. I’ll puncture with punctuation, comma thee still, Put periods where thou hadst promised “until”; Make colons collect and apostrophes own, Then bracket thy body and parenthesize bone. Briar becomes buyer; the bower, borrower; Morrow grows mourner and sorrow, sorcerer. Favor turns flavor, then fee, then forfeiture; Interest blossoms, growing fetters from favors. Clauses grow talons, conditions grow teeth, Courtesy curtsies while contracts coil beneath; Loopholes loop lightly through lavender law, And technical truth keeps a knife at your jaw. Trip over trochees and tumble through trimeter; Meddle with meter till meter grows meaner; Rhyme within rhyme within reasonless reason; Squeeze in a season for meaningless treason. Mark me, unmake me, mistake and remake me; Name me, disclaim me, then blame what thou gav’st me. Bedevil the bevel, bewilder the wise, Hide riddles in middles and middles in... Lies? No. We covered this. Do pay attention. By thorn-thrum and thunder, by bell-blood and bloom, By bramble-born brides bearing bargains to doom; By never, nevertheless, neither nor naught, By aught that was offered and ought that was bought; By vellum and venom, by covenant ink, By all thou hast uttered before thou couldst think; By “freely,” by “fairly,” by “only,” by “friend”... Thou granted me something. Didst notice? No? Thou gavest it the moment Thou didst finish my line. Relax. I took only a rhyme. And truthfully, strayling, thy tongue carries wit; Thy ear catches cadence, thy instincts half-fit. There’s art in thy mischief and nerve in thy need... But talent is tinder. Not mastery. Not deed. So come to the hawthorn when moonlight wears thin. Bring neither cold iron nor certainty in. Bring riddles with fractures and questions unwise, Ten versions of truth and eleven replies. We’ll teach thee the measure, the menace, the mien, The courtesy cruel and the cruelty clean; How promises prosper, how loopholes are spun, How bargains lie ended... Yet never are done. Thou may yet make a menace. Thou may yet make a name. Thou may yet learn the rules Of our ridiculous game. But next time thou swaggerest, proud of thy pen, And leavest a note saying... “Back in ten.” One rhyme makes no master. One trick no sage. The hedge has humbled monarch and mage. Thou mayst have the tongue and talent to turn... But pride is the lesson thou hast yet to learn.
    Listen on YouTube: Mind Thy Tongue
  3. A Rhyme Short Read lyrics
    Oh, very impressive. Really. Weaponized grammar. Contract law with flowers. Terrifying. But if we're keeping score, I think I deserve some credit. I came to thy hedge with no map and no guide, No whispering court with its rules at my side. No tutor to teach me what courtesy costs, Which gifts become fetters, which favors get lost. Yet I found iron and favors and names, The weight of a word and the shape of your games. I learned technical truth without knowing you lived... That what isn't spoken may matter as much as what's giv'n. So yes, thou art clever. Yes, thou art old. And apparently every sentence has seventeen folds. But centuries sharpen what instinct began, And I've had a few decades... You're grading a man Who learned from old stories, from meter and plays, Then wandered your hedge and got most of the ways. I mistook a few rules. I'll happily grant it. But frankly, considering the obvious disadvantage... I think I did well. You called me talented. I heard that part. Buried beneath all the linguistic art. "Thy tongue carries wit." Those words were thine, So let me demonstrate rather than whine. A promise needs premise, a premise precision; Permission unbounded invites an incision. A gift without limits leaves ownership blurred, And intent means nothing beside the given word. "Freely" means freely, but freely to what? "Only" means little till limits are cut. A favor gains interest, a courtesy debt, And the safest agreement is one not made yet. See? I was listening. A clause may have claws... Fine, clever, well played... But claws can be counted once properly displayed. Define every term and delineate scope, And even thy labyrinth leaves me a rope. Forsooth, fair lady, perhaps thou shouldst... ... No. I'm not doing that. You win the "thou" thing. But language is language. Your rules aren't divine. If meaning has structure, that structure has lines. And lines can be studied, exceptions discerned, A pattern once witnessed's a pattern half-learned. You had centuries sharpening every phrase. I've had sleepless nights and fluorescent days, A stack of old plays and too much free time, And still taught myself how to weaponize rhyme. So give me a year and I'll answer thy best. Give me a decade, I'll master the... ... ... Hm. That's odd. I know that word. Obviously I know that word. The meter wants it. The sentence is set. The rhyme should be... ... No. Not "test." That isn't... Wait. ... "Lend a rhyme if thou can." Oh. You said... "I took only a rhyme." ... You took **that** rhyme. Not my rhyming. Not my talent. One rhyme. And you knew exactly which one I'd need. ... You absolute... No. No, that's good. That's *really* good. You told me what you'd taken. Every word was true. I understood the sentence... I misunderstood **you**. So that's the difference. I know the words. You know where they lead. I recognize bargains. You recognize need. I can follow the branches once shown where they run. You see the whole tree while the seed's still begun. ... Fine. You win. For now. Don't look so pleased. You're better than me. There. Enjoy it. And I could spend another verse defending my pride, Or admit there's an obvious lesson implied: If someone is better at something I love, I'd rather learn from them than pretend I'm enough. So... Teach me. ... Oh, fuck me. No. Absolutely not. I **request** instruction, shouldst thou freely agree, in the customs and language employed by the Thee; No ownership granted of body or name, No unspecified favor, no undefined claim, No payment implied beyond terms we both state, No debt retroactive to choosing my fate. No shadow, no memory, no year of my life, No metaphorical "hand," no conveniently "wife," No firstborn... Don't have one. And nothing unspoken shall constitute price. ... Better? Good. Then teach me thy measure. I'll answer in mine. Teach me the difference 'tween wording and sign. Show me the loopholes, the courtesy's teeth, The promise above and the bargain beneath. I won't promise humility. Let's not pretend. But I'll come to the hawthorn and learn where words bend. No iron. No certainty. Questions in ten... ... Actually... Let's not use numbers until you explain those again. And someday, when mastery catches my pen, I'll know exactly what I mean when I write... "Back in ten."
  4. Little Stray Read lyrics
    Well that was disappointing I fashioned six answers and polished each snare Prepared for objection, denial, despair Expected these snarlings that somehow I cheated And then little stray, that was simply conceited No wounded objection, no challenge, no plea No clever construction assigning fault to me No mortal insistence that losing the game Must surely imply that the rules are the blame Really? I thought thee more stubborn I thought thee more proud I pictured thy protest both lengthy and loud Instead thou discovered the place thou wert wrong Considered the lesson, then carried along How very peculiar For mortals love pride with astonishing zeal They'll fracture the mirror before they will kneel They'll cherish an error, defend it for years Then call themselves victors when truth disappears Yet thou wert defeated, reviewed the event Then asked how the trick worked and where the rhyme went I thought pride thy weakness It seems I mistook The flourish for foundation The cover for book Thou certainly swagger, thou certainly preen Thou findest thy cleverness terribly keen But place reputation against something new And pride, without ceremony Loses To you Interesting Now, By request No ownership granted of body or name No unspecification favour, no undefined claim No payment implied beyond terms we both state No debt retroactive to choosing my fate A promising effort Thou guarded thy shadow, thy memory, thy life Thy future, thy firstborn, thy hypothetical wife Thou barred implication and payment inferred Then trusted thy safety as a safety To one little word Expressly By whom? By thee, or by me? By witness or custom, by gesture decree To silence express when convention says yes Just conduct convey what thy tongue won't confess There is the face I had hoped I would see, not anger Calculation Much better Precision, dear straying, is not speaking long It is knowing precisely where meaning goes wrong A fortress of clauses may still leave a door If one undefined word undermines the floor, but For thy first construction It will serve Thou asked for instruction Should I freely agree? I do That expression again What is the price? None No favor concealed and no future demand No leaning on thy shadow, thy voice, or thy hand No service unspoken, no payment deferred I teach thee because I desire it My word Still searching for loopholes Good I should have been wounded had one song cured thee Come then, bring Shakespeare thy questions, thy nerve Bring every objection thy wit can preserve Bring riddles half-broken and arguments bent And learn why the wording outlives the intent First premise and promise, permission and scope How certainty strangles and vagueness makes rope Then courtesy favors, acceptance, and debts Then names No, not yet Thou hast barely learned what a pronoun can cost thee Do not pout There is something, however, I wish understood I expected thy talent I knew it was good Thy ear catches cadence Thy tongue carries wit Thy instinct finds pathways Where mortals misstep But talent was never what altered my view It was what thou didst when I proved better than you No tantrum, no fiction, no comforting lie No desperate reason why loss shouldn't apply Thou looked at a master, acknowledged the gap Then asked for a lesson to narrow it back Mortals are strange But thou art strange Even for them So yes, I shall teach thee I will not make error more pleasant to hear I will not make difficult lessons less clear I will not call failure a victory won When there are still seventeen ways it goes wrong Thou asked for the measure, the menace, the craft Then learn when I teach thee, and someday perhaps When thou swaggerest in, I'll sharpen nine answers and wonder which wins Until then, little stray Bring thy troublesome pen And this time, when leaving, Specify Ten
  5. Precisely Read lyrics
    [FEMALE VOCAL] Come then, little stray; thou hast learned how to doubt, How to worry a phrase till its meanings fall out. But finding a loophole is scarcely an art If all thou canst do is take language apart. [FEMALE VOCAL] A master does more than discover the snare; She chooses the wording that puts the snare there. So lesson the first: when two meanings will do, Never choose one when both can be true. [FEMALE VOCAL] And lesson the second: mind subject and deed; The hand that performs need not author the need. “I never shall harm thee” may honestly bind, While leaving what others may do undefined. [FEMALE VOCAL] The novice asks only, “Is this statement true?” The master asks, “What does it not promise you?” Now take what I've taught thee, and show me thy skill. [FEMALE VOCAL ] Make two meanings serve thee. Then bend without breaking thy will. [MALE VOCAL] So don't hide the meaning. Just give it a twin. Let them hear what they want while the other slips in. “I'll see that you're safe” doesn't say safe from what. “I wish you no harm” isn't promising squat. [MALE VOCAL] Okay. That's nasty. I like it a lot. [MALE VOCAL ] And promise the action, not outcome or cause: “I won't lay a hand on you”, technically flawless. Then open the gate, let the wolves wander through. [MALE VOCAL] I didn't harm anyone. I can't be blamed for what happens to you. [MALE VOCAL] So truth is the weapon; assumption's the sheath. Give them every word while they furnish beneath. Say exactly enough that the statement survives And let them build all of the comfortable lies. [MALE VOCAL ] That's disturbingly elegant. [FEMALE VOCAL ] Crude in expression. Correct in design. [FEMALE VOCAL ] Thy instincts improve when instructed by mine. Now lesson the third: what is absent may bind As tightly as anything spoken or signed. If custom gives silence a meaning agreed, [FEMALE VOCAL] Then silence itself may accomplish the deed. And lesson the fourth, more important by far: A pattern may carry the careless too far. [FEMALE VOCAL] Teach rhythm, repeat it, let habit reply [FEMALE VOCAL ] Then alter one premise as cadence slips by. The trap needn't hide in a difficult phrase; Sometimes it is simply the speed of the maze. When answer grows reflex, attention grows thin. [FEMALE VOCAL ] So never let rhythm decide when thou'rt in. Now weave them together. A traveler, cold, stands outside thy door. [FEMALE VOCAL] Persuade him to enter. No falsehood. No force. [MALE VOCAL] “My fire burns warmly; the night's getting cold. These halls have kept travelers safer than the road. I wish thee no suffering. That much is true. The door stands wide open. [MALE VOCAL ] [MALE VOCAL ] What happens is up to you.” Wait. [MALE VOCAL ] “Safer than roads” leaves the standard real low. “Kept travelers” never says I let them go. My wishes aren't promises, warmth isn't aid, And an open door isn't an offer I've made. [MALE VOCAL ] Damn. Okay. Let's make it cleaner. [MALE VOCAL] “Come out of the cold, should the threshold entice. I ask thee no payment; I name thee no price. My hearth may bring comfort; my hall may bring rest. Whether either will serve thee thou knowest that best.” [MALE VOCAL] No lie. No promise. No debt that I claimed. [MALE VOCAL] And if he assumes more, I never once named it. How's that? [FEMALE VOCAL] Very good. [FEMALE VOCAL] Thou leftest each inference wholly his own, Yet offered enough that the pathway was shown. No falsehood, no promise, no term misapplied And several conclusions thou needst not provide. [FEMALE VOCAL] Thy meter grows cleaner. Thy meanings grow spare. Thou finally leavest the listener his share. But lesson the last is the one most ignored: [FEMALE VOCAL] Never wait for the test to be formally scored. [FEMALE VOCAL] No bell marks the moment examination starts. No boundary separates lessons from arts. A master need never announce what she tries And sometimes instruction itself [MALE VOCAL] No. I see it. You've been doing it the whole damn song. [MALE VOCAL ] The first wasn't merely a lesson in twins. You gave me two meanings and watched which got in. The second used agency while teaching the same. The third built a pattern, then made it the game. [MALE VOCAL] And “lesson the last" That's carefully said. Not my final lesson. Just this lesson's end. [MALE VOCAL ] So whatever comes after isn't covered by that. You weren't teaching me only to recognize traps. [MALE VOCAL ] You were seeing whether I'd keep looking for one when nobody told me the testing had begun. So I'm not answering whatever comes next. No implied response. [MALE VOCAL] No convenient context. And before you turn silence itself to consent... My silence means nothing unless I assent. Did I pass? [FEMALE VOCAL] Thou noticed. [MALE VOCAL] That's not an answer. [FEMALE VOCAL] Precisely.